why_me_why_not: (Default)
So, I totally fell asleep last night during the race, in the middle of txtng with [livejournal.com profile] snarkyrainbow and following livetweets from my NYC girls about PStump. Woke up around 2am, asked my brother who won the race (Matt Kenseth, for those keeping track), tried to play catch up on twitter/email but that didn't last very long. Seriously, I am SO TIRED these days, esp when I actually take meds for my headaches.

I'm kinda depressed that my brother is out here playing basketball with Davey, and Harley is planting flowers in the yard, and I can't do either. :( (Ronnie is at his other momma's house again) But it's a nice day, so I have the munchkin in her cage out here on the back porch. Roger and Maddie wanted us to come down to the lake for cookout/boatride/etc this evening, but I don't think I can handle that ride today. But Tim just came back from the store with steaks, so haha. He bought extra if anyone wants to come over for dinner, lol.

I've noticed that I have a bad habit of writing about nothing when I write fic. Like, one of the things I have up right now is 1500 words but half of it is really unimportant and pointless. Ridiculousness!

You may remember me saying something about [livejournal.com profile] apiphile writing Inception fic that was het and that I'd be disappointed if it was skipped over because of the pairing. You may also remember that I haven't seen Inception, but I like to read AUs and actually like to read fics by authors I like in fandoms I don't know because I can imagine the characters however I like in my own head. And it's easier than most with [livejournal.com profile] apiphile's fic, because I have read her original fic and even though TV and BPV aren't actually original fic, they are both worlds of their own. anyway, fic rec.

Take a good swing at all my dreams by [livejournal.com profile] apiphile
Written for [livejournal.com profile] i_reversebang
Inception || Ariadne/Eames, Arthur/Cobb, past Arthur/Eames || NC-17 || 28,800-ish
Warnings: Some violence, it's a boxing AU!
Summary/notes: This. Only a lot longer.

[livejournal.com profile] crotalus_atrox's Art Post and the fanmix posting.

I loved this AU, a lot, and when I'm feeling more clearheaded I'm going to go back and reread it because I have comments for [livejournal.com profile] apiphile that I didn't leave for her the first time I read it. But yall should go read fic / enjoy the art & music / leave love for author and artist.

I'm gonna go put the tilapia in marinade and then email [livejournal.com profile] asimplechord. <3
why_me_why_not: (Default)
Lalalala, I'm still avoiding anything that has actual meaning/importance or would require actual interaction with people (for the most part - I'm responding to the occasional txt/email/comment/tweet/whatever) but I will get over myself soon. I hope. If not, I give yall full permission to elect someone to come kick my ass.

My brother refuses to drive me to NYC to sleep on [livejournal.com profile] harriet_vane's couch while her sister is out of town, because he is mean. It's not like I have anything better to do.

Gabe and PStump were being adorbs back and forth on twitter last night, and I'm sure everyone as seen this by now, but just in case: Patrick covering Kiss My Sass

People who watch the US version of Being Human, can you help me out with a couple things from this week's episode?

spoilery, obviously )

In other news, we tried out this recipe for dinner tonight. Davey had three helpings, lol, and everyone but Ronnie loved it. Ronnie's been a difficult brat when it comes to food lately. We're trying to find some decent casserole recipes that are freezable, but that would also appeal to Cliff, haha, because after Amy has the baby she won't exactly have friends/family around to bring them meals and stuff. So if yall have any suggestions, feel free to share!

Hope your weeks are off to a good start! Love you!!
why_me_why_not: (Default)
Still being super unproductive. Did have a good day on Saturday at Martinsville, despite the headaches and the fact it was super cold and windy and the Bass Pro team didn't win. With the storm rolling in today and that-time-of-the-month also rolling in, my headache last night and today has been epic. Also, my dad and I finished the bedroom downstairs last week, and even though it was decided that Tim would take that room until he found a new place of his own, he didn't go get his bed this weekend like he planned on, so I'm still stuck trying to be polite and not keep the TV/light/my laptop on at night since he has to be up at the crack of dawn for work and we're sharing the living room. Dammit.

In happier news, or the real reason for this post, is that the stories for the Spring Fling Exchange at [livejournal.com profile] we_pimpin were posted yesterday. I probably should have rationed them out, but really, what better way to spend a Sunday recovering from an exhausting day of sun and socializing than by overdosing on Ray-fic? Here's the link to the Master Post but here are my favorites: (no authors, obviously, because author reveal isn't until next week)

When I See Tomorrow (I See You There)
Brad/Ray || NC17 || 
When people ask how they met, Brad usually says that Ray followed him home one day, like a demented puppy, and refused to leave.

Sunshine and Springtime
Brad/Ray; Nate/Ray || NC-17 || ~ 9,000 words
The long con of Nathaniel Fick.

You Call This Archaeology?
Brad/Ray || R, for all those creative expletives || 9779 words
Indiana Jones!Au. It’s one thing to talk about consulting with someone, but Brad’s not going to be responsible for keeping some wet-behind-the-ears pup in one piece.

72 Hours Libo
Brad/Ray || NC-17
 || ~4,800
A weekend away from base doesn’t go quite as Brad and Ray expect.

Let the Engines Roar
Ray/Brad || PG-13 || 8,936 words
"You realize we don't do bikes, right? Like, yours is a beauty and I'd fucking love to make an exception, dude, but we're an auto repair shop." He starts walking inside to where Walt is manning the front, because hanging around by the Ducati is just awkward. He'd worry about being rude, except Ray kind of gave that up as a lost cause when he was fourteen. (Fast & Furious AU)

The places we've never been (but were always bound to end up)
Ray/Brad || R || 24,500 words
Brad’s been gone for two years, stopped talking to Ray at least a year before that. Fuck, they haven’t even been friends in almost five years. There doesn’t get to be a lazy, easy friendship between them anymore. Ray just wishes Brad had gotten the memo. warnings: adult language, adult situations, domesticity
why_me_why_not: (Default)
Ugh. I am made of so much fail these days, you guys. I don't even know where to start. The worst part is, I didn't even realize how much I was failing, because it didn't dawn on me that I was actually in a depressive state because I'm not actually to the point of feeling suicidal. And on what fucking scale of normal does that equate? Blah.

Read more... )

Sorry to dump a bunch of whining on your flist pages. How about some links to make up for it?

Stay Awake When I'm Asleep by [livejournal.com profile] harriet_vane
TSN RPF (Jesse Eisenberg/Andrew Garfield) || 36,000 words || Contents May Include: An ASTONISHING amount of curtainfic and schmoop. A lot of nonsense. Some sex.

Nameless But Not Unknown by [livejournal.com profile] torakowalski
TSN RPF Jesse/Andrew || R || 19,000 || warnings: Amnesia. Ridiculous amounts of h/c (with emphasis on the comfort).

Make your own joke about wolves by [livejournal.com profile] apiphile
Inception || Ariadne/Eames || PG || 2900
Summary: Oh like you didn't want to see Tom Hardy in a dress.
I should point out that I have never seen Inception, my only concept of the Inception characters is from [livejournal.com profile] apiphile's fic and ramblings, and I don't usually read het. But I generally love anything she writes enough to include it on my rec lists. So if anyone skips over it just because it's HET? I would be disappointed.

And speaking of het I don't usually read, I haven't read anything from HP fandom in a long time, but one of the pairings I did follow there was Granger/Snape, and this was written as a gift fic for a very lovely friend of mine:

The Granger Solution by [livejournal.com profile] talesofsnape
HP || Granger/Snape || slightly nsfw || ~22000 words || full of tension, flirting, wit, and banter
written for [livejournal.com profile] keladry_lupin

And the last link isn't a fic rec, but a link that was shared on twitter by Chip Coffey, who some of you may know from Paranormal State (stfu, I love that show! Even if I totally make up fic for the actors in my head sometimes, and think Ryan has gotten too big for his britches over the seasons.) or Psychic Kids on A&E. Either way, I kinda find Chip Coffey to be amusing and entertaining.

Ten Ways to Become More Psychic

Okay, so I'm gonna go pretend to sleep or pretend to be productive but really just end up watching bad movies on Netflix or tossing and turning in my bed while writing fic in my head that'll be forgotten by morning, but whatever. I love you guys, even when I'm being fucktarded because I'm fucking crazy. Stupid fucking bipolar.
why_me_why_not: (Default)
I am failing at LJ right now. Actually, I'm failing at life, the internet, and everything right now, so I guess it's par for the course. But I have a list of things I wanted to post about, so I'm going to try and knock that out, then go tackle my inbox and comments, then my flist, then work on fic. Sound like a plan?

If this entry seems like a jumbled mess... well, that's because it is.

Kane's got a song - I think it's from the Live in London album - called Oklahoma State of Mind. Part of it goes NASCAR, strip bars, American made cars, country rockin' women now to get up and get 'em, we got Budweiser beer, Jim Beam, Jack, tequila and lime. Every time I hear that, I think it's totally a Ray Person song. Y/N?

Shameless is SO FREAKING GOOD and I am sad that this week is the finale already when I just got into the show! And I want a million words of all kinds of fic, so I hope there are other people into this. Also, Lip is totally my favorite. But Ian and Fiona are too. And the rest of them.

And I'm totally writing Being Human fanfic (for the US version), especially after Monday's episode.

Someone, I think it was [livejournal.com profile] exsequar, posted links on twitter to these pictures of Antartica's Blood Falls, which are pretty damn awesome.

Everyone seems to be hanging out on Tumblr and I'm still behind when it comes to the tumblr craze. Sorry!

A million and one things happened in regards to the panic boys. Brendon Urie is still my favoritest thing in the ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD. No surprise. But I can't tell you anything specific about what's going on with them because I'm failing at the internet. But! I did get a concert call the other night! So I have panic + screaming fangirls on my voicemail, which is a total win!

Kirsten Vangsness posted this pic of MGG and Shemar the other day and it's totally adorable, as those two are.

Wil Wheaton posted about a Stand By Me reunion. for anyone who doesn't know, Stand By Me is my all time favorite movie. ♥

I have this article from our local No Kill Coalition open in a tab, but I'm not sure what I wanted to do with it.

And I have this up as a reminder that I want to find/steal the song b/c it was recced to me when I was looking for songs to write to. ([livejournal.com profile] junebug_waltz totally made me an awesome playlist to write kitten!fic too, btw. she is made of win.)

I still have [livejournal.com profile] swear_jar's the gentle art of making enemies: cigarettes open on my screen because it doesn't have nearly enough comments on it and I keep meaning to find more people to rec it to and/or encourage to read it.

We were playing Scene It the other day at James's and no one knew the scenes from Footloose! And it was like the tractor scene! Who doesn't know that?!

I am sick and tired of being crazy. So over this bullshit.

Also over these headaches. And I'm worried that they're going to ruin my enjoyment of concerts. I haven't actually been to a concert since I started having them. I mean, I went to the Cobra/Travie concerts, but that was while I was severely concussed, lol, so that doesn't count. And I did go see Carrie Underwood & Billy Currington, but I felt like crap that entire time, and I don't know if that was the company and/or my general emotional state that week. I am so afraid that my enjoyment of Panic and NKOTB/BSB is going to be affected by this. And that my enjoyment of races is going to be affected. We're going to Martinsville next weekend, so I guess that'll be the test.

The other tabs I have open are related to job searching or my CEUs, and the other windows I have open are also related to job searching or to partially written fic. I don't think yall want that, do you? So, I'm going to try to tackle some of this other stuff. I will be so happy when we get my bedroom finished because trying to be quiet because my brother is sleeping is kinda boo. But he has to be up at 3am. Blah.

If I've missed something important, tell me here!
why_me_why_not: (Default)
Today was going so well, headache wise, until about an hour ago. Ugh, wtf.


No spoilers, but omg Survivor. These people are crazy. Also, CM. Sometimes it sucks to have to worry about spoilers, but at least I have people to text with, lol, and also Harley & Tim are watching with me.

And I know none of yall care about NASCAR, but really, the Datoyna 500 on Sunday was EPIC. Trevor Bayne, the kid who won, is seriously a nobody. Like, this was only his 2nd Sprint Cup Race, and he doesn't even have a full year sponsorship so his points are supposed to be applied to Nationwide class instead. But it was an awesome race, especially the last few laps. Idek. Also, I have totally missed watching the races with my brothers. :)

Spent the past couple of days enjoying a Firefly marathon. I forgot how much I love everything about this world. Also, Illy seemed to like it. :) She hasn't felt well the past few days, so laying around watching movies has been a good way to pass time.

I did see the neurologist yesterday, and have a new rx to add to the combination I'm on and hopefully it'll help with the headaches. But he also said the same thing my psychiatrist and my doctor said: I need to find a new job. Today I had to take Nanna (my sis-in-law's grandma) to a dr appointment and seriously spent FOUR FREAKING HOURS in the waiting room. Blah.

I think there were some links that I wanted to share, but instead, how about a couple random, stupid questions that have been on my mind?

1. How would being in outer space effect werewolves who are ruled by a lunar cycles?

2. Can fangbangers contract disease if a vamp bites an infected & then bites them?

3. Does diseased blood taste different to a vamp? Does vegan or vegetarian?

ETA: I am irrationally gleeful about the fact that PStump apparently follows Kirsten Vangsness on twitter. *g*
why_me_why_not: (ice heart)
Driving to the lake was a bad idea, blargh. I have never felt so totally carsick when I was driving.

After I picked the boys up, I told them I had a headache and Davey asked if I had "pegleg." I had no idea what he was talking about and he goes "you know, that thing you get when you get bit by a rat." Apparently he meant "the plague" because that's what I said last time I was really sick. When I told him no, I didn't have the plague, he said "well then did your brain get loose & shake around in your head?" Where does he get this nonsense??

I was also behind a truck today that had a license plate that said N8Z HO. Seriously. I wanted to take a pic but my camera phone doesn't take very good pictures.

I am so ready for summer time! I wanna be able to hang at the lake and chill on the boat and just relax and enjoy the outdoors. And every time this damn song comes on, it makes me want it more: Roll With It - Easton Corbin. You can kick back baby and dance in your socks / On the windshield to some radio rock

My daddy made me a valentine. Out of a beer box.

hearts )

Yes, my daddy is an alcoholic, why do you ask?

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Join us in helping ensure our deployed heroes know how much America loves and appreciates them all!
why_me_why_not: (Default)
Illy's trying to steal the laptop. Idk if she wants to eat it or if she wants to make a journal update.

Had to go have blood drawn this morning; the drs are trying to determine if there is some type of infection causing my headaches. Idek.

Harley stole one of the DS games and is playing Super Scribblenauts and is CHEATING by looking up answers on Google.

And it's sleeting outside. We're supposed to get 2 to 4 inches accumulation of snow tonight, but I won't believe that until I see it. Either way, I'm not going anywhere until Saturday evening when we go to dinner for Mom's birthday.

I owe [livejournal.com profile] swear_jar an email, and I've got Relay for Life stuff to work on online, and I still have more CEUs to finish. Wanna leave me prompts in the comments? Or recs for good fic that I may have missed. I'm in the mood for some really good H/D if anyone has anything on hand, or some early-series Dean-and-Sam or Dean/Sam.

ETA: I'm not into Hawaii 5-0, but I know some of you are. If you are, please check out [livejournal.com profile] hawaii5_o_het and [livejournal.com profile] h50novelbang.
why_me_why_not: (Default)
So, had a killer headache again today. *sigh* (one of the things that my sis-in-law mentioned - she's a nurse at my drs office, btw - is keeping a "headache journal" to get an idea of how often the headaches happen, and I realized that a LOT of my journal entries and tweets from the past few months say I have a headache)

I'm gonna try to get in to see the dr on Wednesday; they think it may be related to the concussion. (I'm gonna hold the car accident over Harley's head forever, yall. "I was crazy but less fucked up before you ran me underneath a Suburban!") And triggered by stress.

This morning when I called in to work, I also emailed my current supervisor and basically said that she could send my personal items home with Katherine or Heather and that I'd turn in my badge when I was feeling better. She called and left me a message to please call her so we could work something out because she didn't want to lose me as an agent. And then she opened an FMLA case for me. Um, really? I mean, I'm not going to complain, because that gives me a 15 day window at least, which means I'll keep my health insurance at least until the end of February and I need to get Ronnie some glasses, but still. I'm just kinda befuddled. But I'll take the rest of this week off and have Dr Annis fill out the paperwork that they're sending me and we'll see what happens. How is this my life, that I can't even manage to get fired from my stupid job?

I was gonna tell yall something funny about Davey but I can't remember what it was now.

I told [livejournal.com profile] swear_jar that I was gonna try to have an email waiting for her when she got home from work, but I didn't manage it, so I'm gonna try to do that now.

Also, did yall see this super cute pic earlier today?

awwww! )
why_me_why_not: (antisocial)
My meds are supposed to help me focus, but since I was off them for a while, there's a readjustment period. So my brain is completely scattered and it's ridiculous.

So yeah, I did get my meds. Cost me $164, but I got them.

[livejournal.com profile] pecos has the most awesome handwriting, I love getting cards from her.

I found my Christmas cards! Lol. If you're not US, your card may be late. B/c I'm a failboat.

My baby brother has started calling me the Queen of Fail, so most of my txts to him lately start off with "so the latest update to my epic saga of fail is..."

I think we talked about this once before, but are Yetis like Wendigos with fur? They're not superhuman fast, but I blame that on the snow. Yes, I watched winter disaster movies all day on SyFy on Saturday. What of it?

I got Ronnie a personalized Nightmare Before Christmas throw, but I need to find something special for Davey. Uh. Help?

For the handful of you who listen to country music, have you heard the new Sugarland song? That's my song. I love it. I may musicshare it later.

Who watched Leverage last night? Parker was super adorable as an elf, and grumpy!Santa!Eliot made my night.

So, my Monday sucked so hard. Tell me good things about your life?
why_me_why_not: (Default)
I haven't posted actual fic since the beginning of August. What is that nonsense???

Today was a craptastic day, and everything is falling apart. My solution to that is to retreat into fandom and say "fuck it" to the real world. Sounds like a plan, right?

I'm physically too tired to keep my eyes open much longer, much less keep playing on my phone, but I want to. Happy list in the a.m. Love yall; happy Friday! *mwah*
why_me_why_not: (Default)
Hi, my lovelies! I miss you all! We upped my antidepressant again this week, and this may be doing the trick of making me stable (more stable) but the idea of catching up is a daunting task, lol. So, things!

1. I took the boys to see Legend of the Guardians yesterday (which we all thoroughly enjoyed!) and there was a preview for a Yogi Bear movie coming out. Justin Timberlake is BooBoo, and the music for the trailer was Travie's We'll Be Alright. Is it bad that I'd go see that movie based on those two facts alone?

2. Also saw a better trailer for Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and I must say I'm pretty damned excited about that one.

3. Castle is quite possibly the only show I'm actually invested in this season. Stupid television.

4. Baby sister got her early acceptance letter & scholarship award info from Ferrum college this week, which is super exciting. I'm so proud of her!

5. I think I'm starting to feel like writing again! If thinking of Johnny Weir/Adam Lambert fic with Johnny & Kris trying to bond by tailgating (dammit, [livejournal.com profile] harriet_vane!) is any indication, at least. Want to leave me some prompts? Here are the limitations: no bandom. no GenKill. HP fandom is good except for NextGen, SPN is good if we stick to early series or preseries characterizations (I'll write Sam/Jess all day long, lol, but no underage Wincest). CM is probably do-able. Smaller fandoms like Shelter, Jaida's first two books (I haven't read DragonSoul yet), Dresden, etc, are good too.

So, prompt me?
why_me_why_not: (kansas boys)
Last night I escaped to my room around 7ish b/c of miserableness (omg girl parts, wtf?) and heat (the a/c in my bedroom is a godsend). Didn't plan on going to sleep, and I even managed to play on my phone for a bit, but I dozed off & on ALL NIGHT. And I'm so nonfunctional when I get more than a couple hours of sleep.

Today is a weird, underwatery dreamy feeling day. Idek. Plus, people are ignorant today. So ready to go home.

Also, Mom & Harley & the kids just left for the beach. idk if I'm gonna go down & meet them on Saturday or not. The female thing is kinda a big deterrent on beachness. I'm thinking I might go put in some hours at the habitat house Sat morning & spend the rest of the weekend at home. Housecleaning when the boys are away means I can get rid of toys!

Thursdays used to be my favoritest day of the week. (It's Rex Manning Day!) Yall should leave me a comment with your favorite SPN quote ("I miss conversations that didn't start with "This Killer Truck" and "Sam wears women's underwear" are still high on my list) or a favorite SPN pic or something you love about SPN.
why_me_why_not: (Default)
Idk what's worse - the stupid insomnia or the fucking dreams I have when I do manage a couple hours sleep. Also, I hate feeling like I'm complaining all the time. My life seems to be full of bitching and whining lately. I know, I know, if I don't like it, I need to do something about it other than complain.

Today, I'm thinking happy thoughts. Maybe enough happy thoughts that I could fly. If only I had some faerie dust. Or cheeto powder.

You should all tell me your happy thought for the day! <3
why_me_why_not: (Default)
Today's excursion in ridiculousness: I planned on taking the boys to the NC Zoo on Saturday as a surprise, and have all the details planned out, and am pretty excited about it. Then my brother tells me that he and his wife and the kids and Kristina's best friend and her kid are all going down there on Saturday. So now I'm all sad and ready to cry because this means that what I planned for the boys is no longer *special* and also if we run into them down there (which is pretty inevitable), it won't be time for me and the kids. I am ridiculously upset by this for no good reason.

Also, sitting in the dr's office SUCKS.
why_me_why_not: (Default)
So, our network at home is running so ridiculously slow. It makes me wanna scream; idk what's up with it but I can't handle it. There is no reason it should be acting like this!

I have no less than twenty drabbles in my notebook that need be typed up. until that's done, I don't think it'd be fair to ask for more prompts, so instead, let's do the picture meme thing! Tell me one to three things in my life that you'd like me to take a picture of, and I will. (unless you ask for a picture of me; those aren't likely to appear)

I don't want to sleep b/c dreams are not my friend lately, but I'm sleepy. :( Also, I can't find my ipod. And I wanna bitch about work today, but the internet connectivity keeps resetting and it's pissing me off. Whatever. Hopefully it'll work better tomorrow night. :)
why_me_why_not: (awesome)
So, I decided against making an actual mommy/auntie filter for now. That may change after Illy is born, but for now yall can read if your interested and skip if you're not.

1. Ronnie is on an 'action plan' to put more effort into his schoolwork (yall know what a hard time I've had with him ALWAYS), but now, because he's getting extra attention for it, Davey is failing stuff ON PURPOSE so he gets that extra attention to. Parenting fail, wtf. I'm not quite sure what to do.

2. work!Amy is in IL for the weekend - her hubby graduates from Navy boot camp tomorrow - and Robbie is in Atlanta for the weekend for some video game thingy and Brittany is off tomorrow, so it's just gonna be me and work!Heather. Here's hoping for a quiet Friday. :)

3. Baby shower on Saturday. I apparently have one more prize than I do games lined up; anyone have a suggestion for a good baby shower game?

4. Somehow, I find that I'm going to be head coach for the boys' soccer team? idek. It's only one hour, twice a week, starting next week and going through the end of May, but still. I'm not sure how this happened or how I feel about it.

5. [livejournal.com profile] wendy posted a picture of this rainbow wedding dress from this rainbow wedding and I'm kinda in love with it.

6. [livejournal.com profile] starflowers wrote Bob/William fic: Prettier Than All The Rest

7. [livejournal.com profile] gelsey is doing hp rarepair drabble challenges for her flist. The challenge from last Friday is:
~ Severus Snape / Ginny Weasley
~ "One's first love is always perfect until one meets one's second love." Elizabeth Aston
~ doppelganger, repeat
~ portion, attempt, gaze
~ Pretty When You Cry by VAST
~ Janie's Got a Gun by Aerosmith

8. [livejournal.com profile] apiphile wrote A Guide to Mentally-Ill Thought Processes and also linked this post about "getting help" by [livejournal.com profile] naamah_darling. I highly recommend both of them to every single one of you.

9. last night, [livejournal.com profile] ashlein made a post asking for Draco/Neville recs, and I was like "Hey, I wrote that once!" But then I had to find it, and apparently I never actually linked it from my personal LJ after reveals were done at hpslashnotsmut last year? idk. But here it is.

Jump to Conclusions (note: while that is a line from an Empires song, I don't think that's where I got the title from? possibly, though.)
Draco/Neville || PG for a few curse words || ~2700 words
Draco’s keeping secrets from Neville.

10. A meme, as tagged by [livejournal.com profile] thedogstarlives several days ago. First: If you've been tagged, you must write your answers in your own LJ and replace any question that you dislike with a new question. Second: Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

questions under the cut )

Tag: I don't know who has already done this, so if anyone hasn't done it and would like to, have at it! ♥
why_me_why_not: (Default)
I'm having a breakdown this weekend and I really don't wanna talk about it or think about it or whatever. Yes, avoidance is a valid way of handling shit, right? Thank you all for your txts & emails. I know yall love me, but there's more going on than I know how to explain. I can't deal with responding to things right now, but I'm okay. Or, will be, anyway.

it's not too early to begin counting down to Feb 12th, right?
why_me_why_not: (Default)
I am so done with this shit. I fucking give up. Obviously, everything I do is wrong and I'm not supposed to have anything that makes me happy. I'm about three steps away from deleting everything - lj, twitter, myspace, facebook - and going back to being friendless and miserable and worthless b/c that's apparently how I'm supposed to be.
why_me_why_not: (need a hug)
I don't know what I was dreaming last night/this morning, but I woke up in the middle of a panic attack and was shaking so much I couldn't even pick up my phone (b/c some fucktard was calling me at 6:30 in the morning). Now, three hours later and a few errands later, I'm still shaking (which was definitely interesting when I was trying to get dinner in the crockpot - luckily I didn't cut myself but it took some concentration) and my chest hurts when I breathe and I feel like I'm gonna puke. :(

BUT! I'm off work tomorrow and I'm going to keep the kids home from daycamp and we're gonna do something. I'm thinking maybe Dixie Caverns, because it's nice and cool in there and we haven't been in a while. I need to get a shower and wash dishes before I go to work, but my head's all fuzzy-dizzy at the moment, so that's gonna have to wait.

Happy Wednesday everyone!! <3


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