(no subject)

[why_me_why_not]

Sometimes she says you can get so good pretending
That you run your life right past your happy ending

Totally sums up my mood right now. I'm this close to having a breakdown, seriously. And I'm kinda tired of pretending that I'm okay b/c I'm really not. (I know I've always been charming / Sure I've always been bright / And I've always been sure of myself / But I've never been right -- ten House points to whoever can name that song)

So, music? Depressing music, actually. Lyrics under the cuts.

Looking Back by Restless Heart (which is where that bit at the top of my post comes from)


She cries her way down highway 65
And the windshield wipers will not dry her eyes
'Cause her hopes and dreams are gone, so is her credit
And she thinks this is the way that they were headed

Looking back
Anyone would change a thing or two
Looking back
Its hard to see what's right in front of you

Well she's laughing now down highway 61
And the north-bound truckers wonder who the joke is on
And sometimes she says you can get so good pretending
That you run your life right past your happy ending

Looking back
Anyone would change a thing or two
Looking back
Its hard to see what's right in front of you

Everybody wants to know what she was thinkin'
And the officer confirms she wasn't drinkin'
But she rammed that church and she took out walls and plumbing
Like so many things, she never saw it coming
She just smiles and says I never saw it coming


Already Gone by JAKE (this one I can't find the lyrics to, so I wrote out what I thought they were for part of the song. If anyone can find me actually lyrics, I'll love you forever! Or if you wanna, you know, correct me...)


cold is the day, long the night
holding my head
can't find the light
gone is the moon
i made it all right
the same hour
i knew all my life
how could it be
where did she go
the beautiful thing
we didn't know we knew
how could it be
why did she leave
this endless soul
i'm already gone
this i can't stand
the sound of your heart
the touch of your hand
and i'm already gone
this i can't fill
a hole so deep
i barely can breathe
makes no sense
no rhyme or reason
no difference
i have no doubt
i have no fear
but God, couldn't you leave her here
i'm already gone
this i can't stand
the sound of your heart
the touch of your hand
and i'm already gone
this i can't fill
a hole so deep
i barely can breathe


And this one is on the list just because it was played at Kelly's funeral, and after eight and a half years I still have those really bad days when I really miss my sister.

Somewhere Out There (yes, the American Tail song. not including lyrics for this one)

Comments

[acostilow.livejournal.com]

Pretty songs.

*hugs tight* I didn't know you lost your sister. I'm so, so, so, so sorry.

[why-me-why-not.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

thanks, hun. I forget sometimes that my flist has grown a lot lately and not everyone knows about my past. Not that I hide anything, I'm really upfront about it. Which is why I forget people don't know.

I've been trying to figure out how to post this comment without it sounding bitchy (b/c that's the complete opposite of my intent) or self-pitying (b/c I'm not really) or attention-seeking (b/c I'm not that either). But it's not working too well.

I probably need to eventually post a "what you must know about me" post. Short of it is that I'm majorly fucked up, and there are lots of contributing factors that are all equally horrible but the top two are losing my sister when I was 17 and my daughter when I was 19.

[acostilow.livejournal.com]

You sounded none of those, I promise.

I'm sorry. So, so, so sorry.

*holds you tight*

[ltlredhairdgirl.livejournal.com]

I love you hun. I'm making you special present now, which you will just have to stop whatever you're doing when it's done and look, cause I said so. :-D

[wendy.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

[ariadne1.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* *BIG, COMFORTING HUGS*

Hang in there, Tabby.

*MORE HUGS*

[mimiheart.livejournal.com]

*hugs* *hugs* hugs*

[pixie-squeaks.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so sorry about your sister.

Somewhere Out There is a beautiful song.

*hugs*

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

Wonderful music. Especially Somewhere Out There. And it fits my sad mood exactly right tonight too.

I sincerely feel you on the breakdown thing. I hope you start feeling better. *hugs* I can only imagine what it is like to lose a sibling ... I came too close once and that was too much of a glimpse for me. I'm so sorry you lost her.

And I'm rambling, I think. Feel better.

[swedish15.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss; wish, I could say more, but what good are words?

The music? Beautiful, thank you for it.
I wish you the best, and I truly hope everything's going to be okay.

[luahoana.livejournal.com]

Oh, Tabby.. ♥ *hugs*

And Somewhere Out There... *sobs*

[rutzy.livejournal.com]

:hugs:

[brockssnow.livejournal.com]

HUGS and ♥

[football-girl.livejournal.com]

*HUGE HUGS* I know I'm late - I'm always late now. :( I wish school would end so I can be there more for my friends when they need me, not a year later. I'm a horrible person, I know, but I'm here, so if you ever need to talk you can e-mail me.. I'm sorry for all the times I'm not here. *HUGS*

[why-me-why-not.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* It's okay, I know that you're busy but that you're still around, and that's enough. I just had a momentary lapse of sanity when I posted this. *g*

*more hugs*