why_me_why_not (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
why_me_why_not) wrote2012-02-05 12:17 am
why_me_why_not) wrote2012-02-05 12:17 am
(no subject)
1. So, I never weigh myself. I mean, I know I'm overweight and that I need to lose a gazillion pounds (although I've always been focused more on whether or not I actually FEEL healthy instead of the number) but I usually gain weight in the winter and it's not like I'm trying to lose weight, so I just don't bother. But my fat-week jeans are practically falling off me, and my ring is super loose, so I decided to weigh myself this evening and Oh Em Gee, I have lost TWENTY POUNDS since mid-December. I know some of yall already saw that, since I posted it on FB and twitter, but I'm kind of super excited about it! Idek how I managed that! (Although I'm sure that turning into a pod-person who doesn't drink Coke has a part in it.)
2. Had to suffer through Chuck E Cheese tonight and really, I didn't think I was gonna make it. That place was a panic attack waiting to happen. Lexie is sooooo lucky I love her. I kept sneaking outside with the smokers, though, because there were WAY too many people in that place for me. Lexie had an awesome time; her parents had to drag her out of their while she was crying and screaming, lol. And the boys had a good time, plus I got to visit with Bella, so that was good. Still, I'm so glad I don't have to do that again anytime soon!
3. Migraine and residual headache finally went away, so I spent the day cleaning house. Like, moving furniture around to clean underneath it kind of cleaning. Funtimes.
4. So, I gave M my Letter of Ridiculousness when I went over there on Thursday night. And since you all know me, I'm sure you won't be surprised that I ended the letter with something along the lines of "now that I've dumped these buckets of crazy on you, I'd understand if you realized I'm too much trouble or didn't call me again or whatever." (I have ISSUES, you guys) And he didn't call me last night. (But he did work 12 hr days all week again this week, plus I found out today that Fi's mom dropped her off yesterday afternoon instead of this morning) But he did call me tonight, as I was chatting with Amy about him, and the first thing he said was "so I read your letter and I'm calling you and I don't think you're too much trouble." But we didn't actually get to talk much, because he does have Fi and she kept trying to take the phone away from him to talk to me, and then she was all in his business (although she was coloring and watching a movie when he called). He says she's jealous. Idk what to make of that. But he makes me smile, and I'm glad he called, and I'm glad I wrote down my ridiculous feelings.
5. Thursday night, I was laying on the bed and he was doing something, I don't remember what, and he came back in the room and rubbed my belly and said something about a baby. I didn't catch what he said, just that he sounded like he was teasing, and it still freaked me out. When I didn't say anything, he was like "don't have anything to say to that?" So I said I wasn't sure WHAT to say to that, and he said "I bring up pregnancy and you don't know what to say about it?" And I said "no more babies for me!" which is my standard response to any talk of babies these days, and he walked back out of the room before he said "yeah, Fi's probably gonna be my only one, I guess." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? :P
Okay, you guys. I've been saying for a while that I'm not having any more babies. For a long time, I said it was because I didn't want to have to deal with another babydaddy. Now I've got the added complication of being over 30 (though I know that's not a big deal these days; women are having babies well into their 40s and whatever) and the whole migraine complications. (Sidenote - I used to get really bad migraines when I was a teenager but they stopped almost completely after I got pregnant Kelly Marie, and I didn't really worry about them until after the car accident) Also, my boys got the short end of the stick, because they got ME for a momma and an asshole for a father and Ronnie's inherited my bipolar and my migraines, and I feel BAD for doing that to them. I'd feel bad about doing that to another kid. But I would so love to have another baby. It's just not been something in the realm of possibilities. WHY is M making me rethink my life choices? Even if he doesn't know he's doing it?
Ugh. I need to go burn Bela a couple cds so I can give them to her before she leaves in the morning. If anyone wants to talk some sense into me, feel free. <3
2. Had to suffer through Chuck E Cheese tonight and really, I didn't think I was gonna make it. That place was a panic attack waiting to happen. Lexie is sooooo lucky I love her. I kept sneaking outside with the smokers, though, because there were WAY too many people in that place for me. Lexie had an awesome time; her parents had to drag her out of their while she was crying and screaming, lol. And the boys had a good time, plus I got to visit with Bella, so that was good. Still, I'm so glad I don't have to do that again anytime soon!
3. Migraine and residual headache finally went away, so I spent the day cleaning house. Like, moving furniture around to clean underneath it kind of cleaning. Funtimes.
4. So, I gave M my Letter of Ridiculousness when I went over there on Thursday night. And since you all know me, I'm sure you won't be surprised that I ended the letter with something along the lines of "now that I've dumped these buckets of crazy on you, I'd understand if you realized I'm too much trouble or didn't call me again or whatever." (I have ISSUES, you guys) And he didn't call me last night. (But he did work 12 hr days all week again this week, plus I found out today that Fi's mom dropped her off yesterday afternoon instead of this morning) But he did call me tonight, as I was chatting with Amy about him, and the first thing he said was "so I read your letter and I'm calling you and I don't think you're too much trouble." But we didn't actually get to talk much, because he does have Fi and she kept trying to take the phone away from him to talk to me, and then she was all in his business (although she was coloring and watching a movie when he called). He says she's jealous. Idk what to make of that. But he makes me smile, and I'm glad he called, and I'm glad I wrote down my ridiculous feelings.
5. Thursday night, I was laying on the bed and he was doing something, I don't remember what, and he came back in the room and rubbed my belly and said something about a baby. I didn't catch what he said, just that he sounded like he was teasing, and it still freaked me out. When I didn't say anything, he was like "don't have anything to say to that?" So I said I wasn't sure WHAT to say to that, and he said "I bring up pregnancy and you don't know what to say about it?" And I said "no more babies for me!" which is my standard response to any talk of babies these days, and he walked back out of the room before he said "yeah, Fi's probably gonna be my only one, I guess." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? :P
Okay, you guys. I've been saying for a while that I'm not having any more babies. For a long time, I said it was because I didn't want to have to deal with another babydaddy. Now I've got the added complication of being over 30 (though I know that's not a big deal these days; women are having babies well into their 40s and whatever) and the whole migraine complications. (Sidenote - I used to get really bad migraines when I was a teenager but they stopped almost completely after I got pregnant Kelly Marie, and I didn't really worry about them until after the car accident) Also, my boys got the short end of the stick, because they got ME for a momma and an asshole for a father and Ronnie's inherited my bipolar and my migraines, and I feel BAD for doing that to them. I'd feel bad about doing that to another kid. But I would so love to have another baby. It's just not been something in the realm of possibilities. WHY is M making me rethink my life choices? Even if he doesn't know he's doing it?
Ugh. I need to go burn Bela a couple cds so I can give them to her before she leaves in the morning. If anyone wants to talk some sense into me, feel free. <3