always been crazy

Welcome Post!

Sat, 21 Feb 2026 20:24:44 GMT

I guess it is time for an updated sticky "about me" post. Welcome to 2026!

Welcome! I've been in fandom for 20+ years, starting out on Livejournal. Since the great migration from LJ to DW, my posting dropped off. It seems like these days fandom has greatly changed.

I do have fic on AO3 but also have a bunch of older stuff here on dreamwidth. I haven't written in a while.

My journal lately is just random stuff, mostly RL. I have bipolar disorder and chronic migraines. I'm a SAHA (stay at home auntie) now that my kids are officially adults. My big family, a mishmash of blood and choice and church, is super important to me. **update - I have accidentally adopted a toddler, so I'm basically starting all over with this parenting thing**

Fandoms I have been a part of include, but not limited to: Criminal Minds, The Expanse (books or TV series), Generation Kill, Harry Potter, LotR (my gateway into fandom!), The Losers, Marvel (including Avengers and XMen movie verse, as well as the TV shows for Agent Carter, The Gifted, and Runaways), Old Guard, Shameless, Star Trek, Stargate (SG1 and Atlantis), Stranger Things, Supernatural (the early years especially when it comes to the show, but also the cast & SPN family), Teen Wolf, The Witcher (books and the first season of the Netflix adaptation). Was big into bandom and hockey RPF back in the day. Not really a fandom, but I have seen every episode (more than once) for Psych, Phineas and Ferb, The Librarians, and Leverage / Leverage Redemption.

Other interests: books, writing, TV, music, movies, podcasts, food. Competing with my sister when it come to our reading log for the year - join me on StoryGraph!

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Lord of the Rings Revisited

Tue, 11 Jun 2024 03:52:05 GMT

Unrelated, I understand why crime rates go up when the weather gets hot. Our A/C fritzed out over the weekend and I'm ready to murder someone. It is too hot to function.

Ronnie and I went to see Lord of the Rings at the theater this weekend - extended editions, Fellowship Saturday, Two Towers Sunday, Return of the King tonight - and I have all the feelings about it.

- I love these movies, I love going to the movie theater, and some things are just meant to be watched on the big screen.

- I'm glad I have I have a kid who is grown and still likes to go on movie dates with me. And who pays for popcorn and drinks.

- LotR was my gateway fandom. It's how I got started on LJ back in the day. It's extra special because of that.

- I watched all the dvd extras of LotR when they came out and it was cool to be in a theater full of other people who are on the same level of fanishness.

- There is magic in the world of LotR but for the most part, everyone is just normal, no super powers, just people (men, elves, dwarves, hobbits, whatevs) who are willing to stand up and persevere in the face of evil, and I think that is timeless.

- I just recently watched the Rings of Power and really liked it.

- I still wanna be a hobbit. Not one who goes on adventures, either, lol.

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the calliope crashed to the ground

Sat, 23 Mar 2024 01:53:15 GMT

The fact that there are THREE SEASONS of Murder Under the Friday Night Lights completely blows my mind. What the heck? I expected maybe one season, but that's a lot of murders that circle around American football.

I've been trying to watch more movies and documentaries and new-to-me stuff instead of just rewatching the same things all the time. i just finished the Quiet on Set documentary, and that's a lot to process. I've had a hard time watching iCarly since I read Jennette McCurdy's book, and I'm sure that will extend to several other shows now, and they're all shows that Luna and Maddy like to watch. (Illy is more a Disney kid - we watch so much Zack and Cody, lol)

Along a similar vein, I was thinking the other day about season 6 of The Expanse and how I didn't know going into it about the allegations surrounding Cas Anvar, so I was so shocked and surprised that Alex was killed off, because the series ran pretty close to the books, but I'm glad they did it and I'm glad they didn't recast the character. And I kinda wanna skip forward in the Ty and That Guy podcast to find out what those two have to say about all this. I mean, I guess nothing is stopping me from doing that, so I might add that episode to my podcast queue for tomorrow.

I'm trying to refocus my life on the way I want it to be, instead of the way I feel others are expecting me to be, if that makes sense. Which means more reading, watching, listening to new things, and setting/keeping boundaries. I went on a faith retreat this past weekend and it was definitely what I needed. I'll probably talk about that more at some other point, because it's still processing in my brain.

I did read Lattes and Legends (Travis Baldree). I kept seeing it recommended. I didn't dislike it, but it wasn't something I would have gone out of my way to read. I am currently working through How to Keep House While Drowning by K.C. Davis, which I am actually finding very helpful. I'm thinking of putting up a sign that says "It’s okay, friend. Throw it away." Still trying to learn how to be a minimalist, lol.

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February 16 2024

Sat, 17 Feb 2024 04:10:39 GMT

I know there is some weird mojo that goes on that when you hold a baby, you wanna just fall asleep, but I thought it stopped once they got to like the toddler point. Sat here with the almost 3yo I babysit earlier and was totally zonked out.

I watched Spongebob Docupants (on paramount plus) this week and I really enjoyed it. It's utterly ridiculous, but great. It's some of the big parts of Spongebob Squarepants told in the manner of a documentary.

I'm working on my reading list(s) but I need about ten more hours in every day.

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February 8 2024

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 04:21:56 GMT

Everything still seems to smell like skunk. I ended up throwing out my mattress pad, comforter, and the sheet set that was on my bed. I swear I took like three or showers and still felt like I smelled like skunk, even though my friends promised I didn't. Ughhhh. Silly skunks and their mating season.

1. I know that I've been saying for YEARS that my dad is dying. But apparently he's got more lives than a cat. I feel guilty because more than once I've said I wish he would just go ahead and die, but I honestly feel that way sometimes. I love him and idk what I'll do without him, but I'm tired.

2. My dad's best friend is also in bad shape. Hospice has given him weeks, if that. I'm trying to get my dad to go visit him, but my dad barely leaves the house himself these days. But he does get out of bed most days, which is more than Jimmy is doing, so it really is up to us to go over there.

3. My adopted kid is spiraling and fucking up. I know what it looks like from the outside, but he's avoiding me so I can't sit him down and find out what is going on in his head. It's stressing me out.

4. I'm working my way through some of the movies and documentaries on my list, instead of always just watching reruns of my comfort shows or, like, game show network. If you have anything you think is a must-watch, let me know!

5. Chrissy has taken a month of FMLA to try and get her diabetes back under control and to spend some quality bonding time with the baby, so I'm missing time with that baby for now. I'm still going over there a couple times a week to help with different stuff though.

6. Christina, the 26yo I accidentally adopted, came home last week. Trying to summarize: she's the granddaughter of one of my dad's exes, I knew her way back when and babysat her all the time when she was an infant, then let my ex isolate me and lost touch with that family. We kinda kept in touch over the years after facebook became a thing, but only casually. She's a recovering addict, has a lot of issues with her family, and had three kids who she doesn't have custody of or a relationship with. She found out she was pregnant and got clean, but knew she wouldn't be able to take care of the baby and knew she didn't want the baby being raised in the same environment she had been. Toward the end of her pregnancy (she had only told a few people close to her she was even pregnant; I didn't find out until August and she was due in October), she had some issues and needed me to take her to the hospital one night. So we were in touch pretty much daily after that, and as we got closer to her due date, we spent a lot of time together. She had planned to give baby up for adoption but kept putting off filling out the adoption paperwork. The day before her scheduled csection, she asked if I'd take the baby, which of course I said yes. The csection didn't happen - there was lots of crazyness, but we ended up at University of Virginia Medical Center, which was AMAZING and she had a wonderful birth experience and baby was super healthy. The nurses kept coming in talking about how gorgeous the baby's umbilical cord was, lol. I named the baby and got to cut her cord and got to stay with them while they were there. Tessa (baby girl) had to be monitored for a couple extra days because Christina is on suboxone as a part of her recovery program, but Tessa had no issues. But on about day three, Christina said she wanted to try and keep Tessa. So instead of adopting an infant, I adopted mom and baby. Tessa was born on Halloween (her birth story is pretty great, but that may just be me - I'll put it down in words some day). Christina and Tessa moved in with us, we got Christina in a local therapy group for her addiction recovery and for her mental health issues (bipolar and bpd), got her in with her neurosurgeon for a checkup, got her set up for some healthy mom/baby programs, etcetc. Then she decided she wanted to go stay with her sister, which was a mistake but I was trying to let her make her own decisions even if they were wrong. It lasted about two weeks and then I had to make the eight hour round trip to get them. But they're home now and my baby Tessa is amazing and I love them both so much.

7. I am so wrapped up in my own stuff that everything going on in the wider world seems like background noise, but it seems like the world is still super crazy.

8. Streaming services are getting suckier and I'm ready to just buy some dvd sets and call it a day.

9. The med adjustment is still in progress; I'm still hopeful.

10. I think maybe Mother Nature is playing tricks on us. Everyone around here seems to think the couple inches of snow we got a few weeks back is it for the winter. I think we're in for an ice storm or a blizzard before spring comes.

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January 24 2024

Sun, 28 Jan 2024 23:19:48 GMT

1. Things never change. Overwhelmed and crazy seems to be a default life status, but you never get used to it.

2. My friend Chrissy has been having issues with her diabetes (type 1; she was diagnosed when she was 6 and she's 31 now, and this past year has been more problematic than anything she's had to deal with before) and is also a new mom (she had a newborn foster placement in October). Yesterday morning, she was running late anyway, had to come back to the house after she left the first time because she left her insulin and her lunch, and then called me around 10am because her insulin pump reservoir basically exploded, which is something that has never happened. So baby and I had to go take her new supplies. She was definitely having one of those days where she would have been better off staying at home in bed. (Jan 24)

(I got distracted and didn't finish my post. Date change! Saturday January 28.)

3. Today is my mom's birthday. We're having her favorite home meal and I baked her favorite cake, and we're watching the Harry Potter movies, mainly because my recent added kid hasn't seen them. There were several movie choices that would have worked.

4. Last night, Duke (my favorite of my dogs) had been in my bed all day because he hasn't been feeling well. He's getting old. Somehow he managed to get sprayed by a skunk through the open window. What the actual fuck.

5. I've been depressed, and it's taking a toll. Talked to my dr on Friday. We had tried a couple months ago increasing the dosage on my antidepressant (Effexor) but that didn't seem to help, so now I'm going to taper off the effexor and start on wellbutrin. I was on wellbutrin previously (probably close to ten years ago now) and don't remember any serious issues with it, just that it had lost its efficacy after a while. So now the adjustment period, plus hoping it doesn't mess too much with my migraine preventatives.

6. Got some super cute stickers from The Stray Shop yesterday at the Cat Show.

7. Am currently reading You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero and am really enjoying it. I'm also starting out the year with some YA books, to give myself a cushion on my 2024 reading challenge, lol.

8. I'm finally starting to take down some of mom's stuff and do my own rearranging and stuff to make the house more "mine." It's been 18 months.

9. My faith is still strong, but I'm struggling - and have been struggling for about six months or so now - with my denomination, the church as an institution, and my place in all of it. My star word for the year is "mercy" and I keep getting the reminder that "the church has left the building." I stepped down from the position of church board clerk and gave up the responsibility for the children and youth. It's a lot.

10. My (grown) kids have been taking turns making dinner, and more often than not most days lately they all end up in the kitchen together during dinner prep time, which I love.

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Asking for help

Fri, 30 Jun 2023 20:42:52 GMT

The devil (or Fate, or whatever you wanna call it) is working hard against me these days, and it's so very frustrating.

Ronnie (my 22yo) and I are going on a New Community Project trip. This is a learning experience tour, so we get to do some fun stuff - like hiking, a fjord cruise, a dogsled demonstration - plus a volunteer work project and learning about environmental issues in Alaska.

This year has been ridiculously one thing after another. Life keeps happening. Now I'm in a situation where we're coming up short paying for everything, and the trip is only one month away, so I'm begging for any help or contributions I can get. I'm asking for direct donations via venmo or paypal (tabbycat6380) or, y'know, mailing a check.

I appreciate anyone who reads this! Thank you for considering!

Donate on Paypal HERE

Donate on venmo HERE

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May 27 2023

Sat, 27 May 2023 04:44:49 GMT

My grandkitty Binx is having emergency surgery this evening because his tail fell off. He had an injury about a year and a half ago where he burnt his tail on a space heater, and he never let it heal properly. His other grandma has been working with a vet about him having surgery to remove the necrotic tissue, but he also has a heart murmur (he's got some maine coon in him, and apparently that's a thing with that breed?) so they've been waiting for a kitty cardiologist to clear him for surgery. But his tail just fell off tonight so they have to do surgery to cover the exposed bone and tissue. The vet tech said they're going to give him less anesthesia and more pain meds and do the surgery quick.

Life just keeps happening, y'all.

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March 16 2023

Fri, 17 Mar 2023 01:54:44 GMT

1. Big boobs make yoga difficult for me. (But I love the body balance class I've been doing at the Y! It's a mix of yoga, tai chi, and pilates.)

2. I saw Champions the other night and loved it! I missed out on seeing it with my Special Olympics friends, but that's okay.

3. My gremlin will be 13 next week. THIRTEEN! What the heck. She definitely changed all our lives, and her presence is a constant source of delight and frustration.

4. Harley and I have tickets for Fall Out Boy this summer.

5. I haven't read an actual book in over a month. I miss reading, but I also can't do much these days when it comes to taking in new information.

6. Ronnie and I are going to Alaska this summer as part of a New Community Project learning tour!

7. GRANDBABY! My first human grandbaby is due in 12 days! Her name is Evelyn Louise, and I am beyond excited.

8. There are so many sucky irresponsible pet owners out there! UGH! All the shelters are full. The one I work with had 40 animals come in this week and only 5 get adopted out. That's not counting the extra ones that a bunch of us have that aren't officially shelter/foster animals. And it's the start of kitten season! Spay and neuter your pets, folks.

9. I've been in a depressive slump. I've been at home for weeks basically doing nothing. I know I need to do things, and I even want to get things done, but it just doesn't happen.

10. Debating on watching the show for Daisy Jones and the Six. I loved the audio book, not sure if the show will do it justice.

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September 10 2022

Sat, 10 Sep 2022 15:21:54 GMT

I'm sure I've said this before, but young Richard Dreyfuss was a hottie. Went to see Jaws at the theater yesterday because it's one of the greatest movies of all time and because it was always one of my mom's favorites. I still think that the acting by the three main characters (Dreyfuss, Roy Scheider, and Robert Shaw) is excellent and the cinematography is so great. Yesterday's showing was in 3D, which added a whole new element to watching it. And it still manages to make me jump even though I've seen it countless times.

I keep trying to find the motivation to get my shit together, but it's not working. It's been almost two months since my mom died, and I've finally got the time to focus on myself a little, but all I want to do is rewatch shows/movies I've seen a million times and zone out. I just feel so disconnected from everything.

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May 29 2022

Sun, 29 May 2022 05:19:45 GMT

I have a lot of feelings about Everything Everywhere All At Once. I definitely want to see it again.

I'm having a difficult time getting out to the movies, despite my a-list. My mom is at the point where she cannot be left without someone here to watch her, and that can't be my dad or one of my kids (even though they're technically adults). She's fallen three times in the last couple months, and one night last week had a fever-induced seizure which gave us all quite a scare. And of course none of us knew about it until the next morning when I went to leave for a CROP Walk meeting and I couldn't wake her up. Her fever that morning was 104* and ranged in the 101*-102* range for a few days before it broke. But she's barely been out of bed since, though she is eating and stuff again so that's better than the three weeks in February when she had COVID and didn't eat. But anyway, now I have a baby monitor so I can hear her if I'm in a different room, and my sleep schedule is all whack because I'm up every time I hear something, and I have to get someone to cover me if I need to go somewhere. I'm able to do a lot on zoom, but I still have my dr appts and my dad's dr appts and a Points of Diversity thing I'm doing on Thursday nights, and next Sunday I have to be at church in person because our regular tech person is on vacation plus we have a church board meeting (and I'm the secretary). So I have to get a sibling or an aunt or a cousin to come during those times and then I feel guilty if I ask them to come just so I can go to a movie, but I did get away this week to see Everything Everywhere All At Once. I'm hoping to get out this week sometime, maybe Friday since it's my birthday, but we'll have to see how things play out.

My dad has COVID, though, so that's an extra fun bit of our house right now. He's been extra tired but nothing else out of the ordinary, but when we went for his dr visit on Friday, the PA said his lungs sounded really diminished, even for him. (He's got COPD and emphysema, and cirrhosis of the liver. Living a hard life will do that to you.) So they did a COVID test and it came back positive, so yay. His blood pressure has been worryingly low the past week or so too, so I gotta keep an extra close eye on him. And he's stubborn, so he insisted on cutting the grass in the front yard today since it was the first day we've seen sun in a week.

One of my kids said that when my mom dies, my dad will probably die too. Which is likely true, even though they're not, like, a together forever kinda of love story. They've been divorced since 1988, though they've gotten along pretty well since the grandkids started coming along in 2000. But he's been living with us since February and it's been good.

I feel like a horrible person because there are times when I'm selfishly ready for them to just go ahead and pass away. I know I'll regret feeling like this, and I'm going to be a wreck when it happens, but knowing it's coming and not being able to do anything about it and just kinda being in a holding pattern sucks. The hospice social worker was asking me the other day if we had talked about funeral arrangements and stuff. We figured that stuff out back in 2019 when my mom was diagnosed and spent that month in the hospital and we weren't sure she was going to come home. I mean, we need to revise her will because it says the house and the car go to Davey but we "sold" the car to my brother when his truck died.

I don't know, everything is a mess and stressful and expensive and hard. I don't like it.

I do like movies though. And I stayed up way too late last night watching the new season of Stranger Things. And I've read some good books. And some not-so-good books. And my kids are great. And my pets keep multiplying. (not actually - they're all fixed because it's important to spay and neuter your pets! We currently have a momma and her five babies that we're fostering.) So I guess not everything is so bad.

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February 20 2022

Mon, 21 Feb 2022 04:43:07 GMT

There's a spot on 42 where dumpsters used to be, and every time we pass there, my dad tells a story. EVERY. TIME. And it's a story I was there for it when it happened anyway! I don't need him to tell it. Story: when we were little, we (me, mom, dad, brother) were going up to the junction and we had stopped at the dumpsters (my dad has always been big on dumpster diving) and my brother was chucking rocks across the road. There was a dip on the other side of the road, and apparently there were a couple cows hanging out in the stream in that dip, and one came charging up the hill, we assume after it had been hit by a rock. It's become a family legend now.

I actually heard something new from my dad tonight though, which is super unusual, because he usually sticks to the same topics when he's drunk and I thought I'd heard them all. But tonight he was talking about his sister Evelyn, how she was raised by their grandparents and how she looked more like a Via or a Morgan than a Patterson and no one was ever sure if she was actually Granddaddy's. She was the one closest in age to my dad, and the one that I sometimes I'm told I remind people of, and the one that they don't talk about, and the reason my dad hates when I talk about my mental illness.

Evelyn committed suicide when she was 21.

My dad's sister Nita is the in hospital today on comfort care. She's been sick for a while, and declining rapidly the last couple of months, but she had a pretty bad fall last week and hit her head; she regained consciousness in the hospital but was not coherent. My aunt Vicky was at the hospital with her today and called me to ask if I'd get in touch with Nita's kids to tell them that they should really be/get to the hospital. One of the kids is dead, one is in prison. One went and stayed several days in January when I needed my dad to be in town with us, and when Nita ended up in the hospital that time, K stole a bunch of stuff from the house. And the car. She brought the car back though. The fourth kid - who biologically belongs to my Aunt Nancy but was raised by Nita - is Travis, and he took a week off work in December and a week off in January to spend at Nita's with her, but he and his wife both don't have licenses and have no way to get to the hospital. So that's fun.

My Aunt Lettie and my dad's other daughter Tonya went up to Nita's today and took a bunch of stuff - like, not sentimental items, but STUFF, like things they can turn around and sell. When I went up to get my dad - who has been staying there lately, but also on and off for the last ten years - I found the one piece of cast iron that Lettie didn't take and snagged it. And rescued a bunch of pictures that had been dumped out on the floor, so that I can give them to Travis. (I don't need any more family pictures - I really need to go through the ones I have, preferably before anyone else dies because there are already some people/places in these pictures I'll never be able to identify. Somehow I became the picture person, so I got all the pictures after my Grandma died, after my Aunt Nancy killed herself, after my Aunt Shirley died. There's a lot of them.)

Yeah. 2022 is shit.

And my mom hasn't eaten in a week, so there's that. She's under hospice care, and she caught COVID when it ran through our entire family in January, and she's just not doing well.

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February 18 2022

Sat, 19 Feb 2022 00:36:18 GMT

I've been overweight for like the past 20 years (I blame the boys - after I quit nursing Davey, I gained weight like crazy and then just never dropped it) but I've been relatively healthly with it. Last year, with the severe anemia and having to nap if I walked up/down the stairs and stuff, was miserable. I am genuinely excited to be able to do things like park at the back of the parking lot at the grocery store and take the stairs instead of the elevator and carry the dog/cat food in from the car on my own. Still overweight though. Well insulated for winter, I guess, but I've been having insane hot flashes and I don't even want to imagine what the summer is going to do to me.

Recs:

Perfect by Reioka
Marvel || Dum-E, Tony Stark || 1234
Everything Tony has ever given life to has been perfect. Dum-E knows this, because Tony said so.
Super cute short Dum-E fic

Let Toretto Be Toretto by astolat
Fast & Furious || Brian O'Conner/Dominic Toretto, Letty Ortiz/Dominic Toretto, Brian O'Conner/Letty Ortiz/Dominic Toretto || 7784
A different kind of race.
AU where Dom is running for president, Letty is his wife, and Brian is on their security detail.

On the Value of Clear Communication by withershins
Hockey RPF || Sidney Crosby/Alexander Ovechkin || 4871
Five times the Penguins assumed Sid was dating Geno, and one time the Capitals knew otherwise.

Eye of the Tiger by tielan
Calvin & Hobbes || Calvin/Susie, Calvin & Hobbes || 2318
Calvin isn't sure about this business of passing Hobbes on. However, it may not be up to him.

a home for every season by dirgewithoutmusic
Chronicles of Narnia, LotR || Eowyn & Susan Pevensie, Eowyn/Faramir, Susan Pevensie & Treebeard || 4042
Let’s talk about a Susan who never moved on, who buried her family in English soil and spent the rest of her life trying to find her way home. She did not believe lions were kind, but she always remembered a bow in her schoolgirl hands.
She looked in every old wardrobe she came across. It was casual, everyday– the first day in a new lecture hall, she checked the back of the coat closet. Friends had her over for Christmas dinner and she excused herself to go the bathroom, checked every cabinet and closet, and then headed back in for pudding. She went home with a cute boy she met in a smoky little pub and she checked his wardrobe before she headed home the next morning, heels in hand.
She also went to college, got a political science degree she had to fight for. She got a byline in the local paper, a few ladies’ magazines, then a larger regional publication.
She had mimosa brunches with friends. She read detective novels, never touched fantasy, and finally one day she stepped through an old stone archway barely thinking about it and–-
She was standing in a treeless plain, all yellow grass and blue blue skies.
(Susan Pevensie goes to Middle Earth)
This is so good that I don't even have words.

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February 16 2022

Wed, 16 Feb 2022 22:17:55 GMT

Back when my kids were younger, I would do a “question of the day” with them and their friends to spark conversation. I was thinking about starting it up with my new group of littles-turned-middle schoolers. The first question that came up was “If you had to spend the day with any villain from a book or movie (or comic 'verse!), who would it be and why?"

Which got me thinking about the way we describe villians and/or who is the villains. Like in The Walking Dead, if we had followed Negan from the beginning, Rick (and his crew) would be the villain. But in the Hunger Games 'verse, even after reading Songbirds and Snakes, Snow is a villain and an all-around awful person.

Kid shows are a little easier and easily defined - Doofenshmirtz, Mayor Humdinger, Mr Crocker, the bad guys that Henry and Ray go up against in Henry Danger. Kid movies - I guess the dog catcher in the Air Bud/Buddies movies? Mrs Hannigan from Annie?

Anyway, what are your thoughts? What villain would you spend a day with?

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February 07 2022

Mon, 07 Feb 2022 22:23:56 GMT

January was a clusterfuck of awful. I wanted 2022 to be nice and boring, but that was a pipe dream.

Mafra Palace Library Bats - at night, bats patrol this 18th-century library in Portugal in search of book-eating pests

Be Gay, Do Crimes, Turn in Your Homework by xiaq
The Old Guard || Joe/Nicky, Andy/Quynh, Booker/Nile || 22k
Post-Merrick, The Old Guard goes to college, is domestic, deals with some loose ends, and everyone gets a happy ending.

stuck in reverse by crazyassmurdererwall (smartalli)
Teen Wolf || Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski, Jackson Whittemore || 65k
Look, Derek is the worst. Everyone knows that. Their fearless leader is a total and complete failwolf. Which means the rest of them? Are kind of the worst too. They’re a ramshackle, slap dashed, sorry excuse for a pack that’s about a half second away from getting one of them killed. And this is a problem, because Stiles would really like to survive high school. Thanks. Still, nobody deserves what Derek has gone through. Nobody. And it’s about time somebody told him that.

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Appreciation Post January 16 2021

Mon, 17 Jan 2022 04:31:30 GMT

Three things I really appreciated today:

1. Snow!! We got around 5 inches of gorgeous, soft, powdery snow. The dogs and the kids loved it and I was sent some fantastic pictures and videos of them outside playing.

2. We had french toast for dinner, made from a loaf of cinnamon brioche. So yummy!

3. Clean bedroom and fresh sheets on the bed.

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November 21 2021

Sun, 21 Nov 2021 20:43:04 GMT

My belly button is SO ITCHY!

I had my surgery on the 11th (total abdominal hysterectomy) and am mostly all healed up from that - it still hurts if I sit or stand for too long, and I get pains if I move too quick in certain ways - but the incision is at that itchy stage of healing and the surgeon had to make my incision bigger than he anticipated (because my uterus was about three times the size it was supposed to be!) so it goes all the way through my belly button and ughhhhhh. But honestly, I already feel so much better, and I just have to work on building up my blood again. My hemoglobin was at 8.2 after surgery and it supposed to be like a 12.

Things otherwise have been crazy. Mom had a seizure, fell, and hit her head, so we called the ambulance and she ended up hospitalized for a couple nights, which of course caused a bunch of paperwork with insurance/hospice. Basically, her tumor is obstructing her kidney which is somehow affecting the way her body processes blood sugar. So it's interesting. And then there's all the stuff with Tim & Jamie & the kids, and RT & Kristina got a house and had to move, and Harley is getting married on New Year's Day. Planning for Ronnie & Miranda's wedding is progressing. And Davey has officially taken over all the house bills, which is weird but makes me proud of him. It is a bit hilarious to listen to him lecture at us to turn off lights and stuff, though. Like, kid, I've been telling you that your entire life!

I'm still seeing basically all the movies, and I'm at 88 books for the year. I did rewatch the first season of The Expanse after reading the book, and it made more sense but I still don't really care for the show. I'm starting the second book now. I do have one more book in the Witcher series to read, which I'm trying to get done before the second season of the netflix series comes out.

Have a few links while I'm here:

24 Quotes on Giving Thanks, Justice, and Radical Gratitude

Devour the Soul, Reaper of Men by MK_Yujji
Star Trek, Doom || Reaper!Bones, Jim Kirk || 26k
A distress call sends the crew of the USS Enterprise to a dark research station where Bones’ past will come to haunt them all. Olduvai may be gone, but its secrets got out first.
This isn't a new read; it's actually one of my all time favorites. So good!

The Dah-Ling Store-It-Yourself by nixajane
Psych || Carlton Lassiter/Shawn Spencer || 43k
The bad news is that one of Lassiter's highest profile arrests has just escaped from prison. The worse news is that his best hope of tracking him down is a sleep-deprived Shawn Spencer.
Never a pairing I thought I would read, but this is super well done. The author has a great way with the tone of the show and the characters.

Something Dumb to Do by poisonivy
Daredevil || Matt Murdock/Franklin "Foggy" Nelson || 33k
If Matt and Foggy get married, Foggy will never be forced to testify against Daredevil. It doesn't mean anything has to change, right?

All Over Again by fmo
Marvel || James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers || 2246
Steve wakes up in 1944, where everyone is still alive. Where Bucky is still alive. It's not as simple as it seems.
short and poignant

haven't left your bed since by heroics
Hockey RPF || Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick || 6002
"So, is it a rule that all bassists have to be really stoic and hot?" Travis asks. College AU
hot and snarky

it's hard to do these things alone by electrumqueen
Fast & Furious || Brian O'Conner/Dominic Toretto || 11k
Brian doesn't lie to cars. He doesn't lie to Dom either, but that's a newer development.
a reread, but intriguing and evokes so many feelings

jim kirk's guide to starship management: how to work with people you don't like by espressohno
Star Trek || James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy || 23k
step one: don't hook up with them! [edit: author has failed step one]
Excellent!

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October 18

Mon, 18 Oct 2021 15:38:51 GMT

Y'all, I am SO FREAKING TIRED all the time. My surgery was originally scheduled for next week (the 26th) but due to staff shortages in the OR, it's been moved to November 11, and I just want it over with so I can start building my blood back up to what it's supposed to be and maybe get some energy and be able to DO things.

Everything RL is still a mess, btw.

FIC RECS:

The RA Will Need to be Contacted by orphan_account
Stargate Atlantis || Rodney McKay/John Sheppard || 14k
Rodney is a 16-year-old going to MIT, and asked to be able to room alone for his freshman year. Due to university policy, he instead is forced to room with Mathematics major John Sheppard, who is aiming for his Master’s before going off to do whatever people with Master’s degrees in Mathematics do. At first absolutely at each other’s throats, Rodney and John come to consider each other friends. Then something more that both of them are too afraid to voice until it all comes to a head.

Another Life by LullabyKnell
Star Trek || Kirk, Spock, Spock Prime, Christopher Pike || 61k
In one moment, James T. Kirk is the acting captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, on his way home to Earth after stopping the Narada. In the next moment, without explanation, James T. Kirk is an Academy cadet on academic probation again, barely a day before Nero will destroy Vulcan. He dares himself to do better. And with a planet on the line and no proof but his own memories, he knows that "better" means he'll need some help.

How to Woo the Winter Soldier by writeonclara
Marvel || James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers || 21k
“I think I’m ready to date again,” Steve said.
“What,” Natasha said.
“What?” Clint said, lowering his binoculars. He blinked at the dumbstruck look on the Captain’s face, then followed his gaze to where he was staring dopily at—at the Winter fucking Soldier.
“Steve, no,” Clint groaned.
Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.

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Reading & Links

Fri, 24 Sep 2021 02:27:02 GMT

I've been reading a lot of random stuff, and I don't know when the last time I talked about actual books was. But I'm at 78 books for the year on goodreads (and I have a separate count for all the long fic I've read) so I'm ahead of my sister, which is always a goal.

Not many of my recent reads stand out, but I will recommend The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead, which was really good and I look forward to reading more of his books.

I posted two fics on AO3, mainly to get them out of my WIP folder, and while they're technically unfinished, they can be read a complete with an ambiguous ending.

Leaving Our War Behind
Roswell New Mexico || Past Michael/Alex, implied Maria/Michael || 6730 words
Still, he's disconnected here. It’s no secret he’s never been close to his family, but after Caulfield, he feels he’s completely cut off. The tentative relationship he was rebuilding with Kyle was damaged by the knowledge of what happened to Jim, what role the Manes family played in that. Liz is a little preoccupied, what with Rosa being alive and Max currently being not. And Michael and Maria - well, Alex is happy for the two of them. Really. He and Michael have always been a trainwreck, more Shakespearean tragedy than fairy tale.
Written after season 1, because I gave up on the show pretty early on in season 2, and it definitely didn't go the way I thought it would. But I like what I do have. And it comes with a bonus soundtrack of sorts? my spotify playlist that goes with writing it

Feel the burn, lesson never learned
Stranger Things || Billy-centric || 11,780 words
Billy accidentally finds some friends, and a place in Hawkins. He's still an asshole and Indiana winters still suck.
Written after season 2, and also didn't go the way I thought it would, go figure.

Fic Recs:

Hanging on the Telephone by enemyfrigate
Justified || Raylan Givens/Tim Gutterson || 11k
After Raylan moves back to Miami, Tim starts calling him, and he and Raylan connect in ways impossible in Kentucky. Or, Raylan and Tim share several phone calls,a couple of visits, and some secrets.

Missed You By a Few Minutes, a Few Centuries by just_another_tinkerThe Old Guard || Joe/Nicky || 115kNicolò di Genova was killed on one of the endless mornings of The Crusades, struck down by a scimitar. He woke again later that evening. Yusuf al-Kaysani bled out hours later from wounds left by a sword. He woke again that next morning. A person often meets his destiny on the road he chose to avoid it. Alternatively, Nicky and Joe's second meeting was over 900 years too late. And neither one knows the other is immortal, or that they've already met.

Links to Share:

Why Do You Say You Love Jesus? - I’m interested in a reality where “loving Jesus” is the beginning, not the end, of my faith: one where I see the poor, my livelihood, and my relationship with every other living creature through the lens of Christ.

The Dangerous Things Christians Say to Depressed People

If mRNA vaccines are so great, why don't we have one for HIV yet?

Love & Basketball: For Your Heart - a great essay by Roxanne Gay related to one of my all time favorite movies

A Hungry Rhino Escaped His Pen to Munch on Grass

At 100, The National Park Service's Oldest Active Ranger is Still Going Strong

Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) Comes Out

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September 2

Thu, 02 Sep 2021 20:42:49 GMT

September already. I'm so looking forward to cooler weather.

Health update: we've narrowed down my health issues to uterine fibroids and I have surgery scheduled for October 26 for a complete hysterectomy, so there's that. Had a bunch of appointments to rule out a bunch of other stuff.

Mom update: Mom is officially retired, and we've talked to hopsice so they're all lined up for when that time comes. Mom's been declining rapidly the past few months.

Family update: Brother & sister-in-law are getting divorced. Kids are in foster care because SIL is nuts; her mom is the temporary foster parent. I have not legal right to the older kids, which is stupid, and am currently the approved chaperone for my brother's supervised visits with Gabe (their youngest). Lots of back and forth with DSS, lots of drama. Court next Friday will hopefully help settle some stuff.

I hope all y'all are well!

Links:

Octavia Butler: Visionary Fiction

Fic Recs:

Est. 1929 by leslielol
Justified || Raylan Givens/Tim Gutterson || 74k
Raylan and Tim share two dates, a year apart.

Shot in the Dark by verdreht
Justified || Raylan Givens/Tim Gutterson || 20k
Raylan knew Harlan had some sick people. Rapists, dealers, psychopaths... you name it, Harlan probably had it in kind. But with Tim missing, it seems like a bad time to find out that it gets worse than even Raylan could've imagined.

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Sharing...

Sat, 21 Aug 2021 01:54:24 GMT

Links

NASA Helps Celebrate Star Trek Creator Gene Roddenberry's Centennial

Aretha Franklin Biopic ‘Respect’ Highlights Dangers of Patriarchy

For Kenya’s orphaned elephants, goats to the rescue!

DaBaby, Lil Nas X, and the Future of Homophobia in Hip-Hop

A Major Report Warns Climate Change Is Accelerating

Bats Love To Babble — Just Like Humans

Fic Rec:

twisted rings and failed dreams by shatteredhourglass
Marvel || James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton || 14k
“You’re right,” Steve says. “The only people he talks to are you, me, Natasha, Bruce-”
“-who’s offworld,” Tony finishes. “So that just leaves…”
“I’m going to set fire to your bed,” Bucky snarls.
“I’m going to piss in your dumb hipster shoes,” Clint snaps back, frowns as he realizes Steve and Tony are staring at them. He mentally backtracks through the conversation that’s been going on while he and Bucky were bickering, and-
“Oh, fuck no,” he says. “Please don’t make me marry him. Steve."
snarky boys are my favorite.

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August 13 2021

Fri, 13 Aug 2021 16:39:35 GMT

Fly by update that is really just sharing links:

How Bayard Rustin’s Quaker, AME Faith Shaped the Civil Rights Era

Batman's Sidekick Robin Comes Out

Hospitals Face A Shortage Of Nurses As COVID Cases Soar

'The Lorax' Warned Us 50 Years Ago, But We Didn't Listen

Everything is still crazy, AND there's a pandemic.

Love you all! <3

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July 19 2021

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 14:32:22 GMT

I'm petsitting this week for a friend and she asked that I stay at the house for most of the time because she's got shitty neighbors, so I'm treating this like my minivacation. Away from home, hot tub on the back porch, stack of books, and some netflix downloads - I'm good to go!

Or, I will be good to go this afternoon after I go for blood work, lol.

There is a lot of family drama right now and it stresses me out but I'm trying not to let it. I know I shouldn't panic so much about stuff I can't control, but my brain doesn't actually understand that. There is a pastor in our district who I love, and not just because she and I share the same first name. Several years ago we were working together on planning a youth retreat and she said something that really stuck with me - when she was overwhelmed and trying to do everything and fix everything, she would remind herself to ask "what is mine to do?" and now I try to do that. I even have it written on the back of my current notebook! Not everything is my responsibility or in my wheelhouse to fix. It's a work in progress. (I'm a work in progress?)

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The Friday Five for July 9

Mon, 12 Jul 2021 16:46:59 GMT

The Friday Five for July 9 2021

1. What was your favorite past time in high school? Movies! Hanging out with my friends, obvsly, but we watched a lot of movies. Most of the time, we would stay at my friend Danielle's house because her mom worked nights, so there'd be a dozen or so teenagers there all the time. She'd leave for work around 10:30pm and be like "I'm locking this door, and whoever is here right now had better be here when I get back in the morning." Like we couldn't just do whatever while she was gone. Even if we couldn't go out the front door, we had been sneaking in/out windows and jumping off balconies in our apartment complex for years by that point. In the winter time, Dani's mom used to keep a crockpot of vegetable soup going, and when it got low she'd just add more vegetables. So many great winter time memories outdoors. But we would rent movies to watch in between rewatching our faves - I honestly can recite every line of Friday because I think we watched it every weekend, and Dani's little sister was obsessed with Poetic Justice so we watched that one a lot too. My bff Janet and I would go to the 99c movie theater on the weekends and watch whatever was playing, no matter if we'd seen it already or not.

2. What is your all time favorite board game/card game? Rummy. Countless nights with various people staying up late and playing rummy and just hanging out. Other favorites: Uno, Apples to Apples, Ticket to Ride. Does Yahtzee count? Long standing habit to carry a deck of cards and some yahtzee dice with me whenever we go on trips or whatever.

3. What is the last movie you saw at the theatre and what did you think of it? I saw Black Widow last Thursday! I enjoyed it! Will probably see it again this week. I tend to have to see Marvel movies, and some other ones, more than once because of the boys' schedules. Movies have always been our thing. I'm going tomorrow to see the new Boss Baby movie (ugh, definitely not my choice, but Tuesdays have become movie-with-Illiana afternoons) and on Wednesday to see Trolls World Tour at the kids summer express movie.

4. What is something (no matter what kind of mood you're in) that makes you happy the moment you do it, see it, or hear it? this is a complicated one that involves too much thinking at the moment, idk.

5. Do you believe that crop circles are made by human or alien? Definitely aliens. Nah, really probably just some bored teenagers or something. But a couple weeks ago I was watching a bunch of Mysteries of the Missing type shows on Discovery Plus and was like "It's aliens. That one is definitely aliens. It's always aliens!" Except that island that disappeared, that was on the back of the Great Pink Sea Snail.

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July 12 2021

Mon, 12 Jul 2021 15:20:54 GMT

I am disappointed in the outcome of the Great Food Truck Race. Ugh.

I was worried about being disappointed in Leverage: Redemption so was hesitant to watch it, but some of my favorite peoples seemed to like it, so I started watching it the other night when Davey had the evening off. It is still fun and mostly has the same feel of the original. I don't dislike Breanna, but I miss Hardison. Eliot/Hardison/Parker is the OT3 of my heart. I love that Parker is still so Parker and that Eliot is still so grumpy. (I have watched Librarians multiple times between the original show and this one, so it still trips me up to see Noah Wyle and Christian Kane in these characters instead of as Flynn and Stone.)

I've been watching Z Nation and just started season 4. I think I'm going to give it up (even though I love Doc and 10K and Addy) and pretend it ended after two seasons. Season 4 is dumb, and most of season 3 was too except for the episode with Skeezy and Sketchy.

I saw Black Widow! I'm so glad the theaters are open again, lol, I have missed them. I've seen six movies in the last two weeks.

There are like 9 days left to register for 2021 GISH! We still have room on our team if anyone wants to join! Team Rocksalt

Links:

Why two women sacrificed everything to stop the Dakota Access pipeline

New York City renames parks for prominent Black Americans

Friday July 16 is Be Love Day - A day emphasizing the revolutionary power of Love and the Love-centered, compassionate action that transforms both people and systems.

Recs:

A Nightingale Sang in Hell's Kitchen by PixelByPixel
Daredevil, Good Omens || Matt Murdock/Franklin "Foggy" Nelson || 12k
Sure, a new bookstore had just sprung up overnight in Hell's Kitchen and Matt Murdock was kind of freaked out about the things (apparently not human) that were running it, but Foggy Nelson was more concerned with whether he should tell his best friend he was in love with him.

Experimentation by portraitofemmy
Magicians || Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh || 4812
“I don’t think I’m into this,” Quentin says, and there’s something in his voice that catches Eliot’s interest. Something almost pleading. Like he wants to be told he’s wrong.
“Oh, honey,” Eliot says, absolutely and totally failing to avoid using his Daddy voice because this guy is just– He’s just so fucking cute. “Just because you don’t want to tie up your girlfriend doesn’t mean you can’t make use of the toys. Have you ever thought about trying it the other way around?”

Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania
9-1-1 || Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Christopher Diaz || 44k
An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed.
While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.
Bonus tumblr post: “of course i remember i love you, i didn’t forget how to breathe either.”

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