why_me_why_not | (no subject)

As I mentioned a few entries or so back, my best friends' dad was not doing well. Today, his wife asked for all the kids to be there, and for whatever reason that included me. I couldn't go until after Mom got off work because I had Illy, and then I got stuck in traffic on the way up. (The hospital is in the next county, and there was an accident on the interstate up the mountain, and it took me nearly an hour to go about ten miles.) Called to check on Shannon when I got close to the hospital, she said the drs were giving Bill a few hours or so. Went to McD's to get happy meals for the kids at the hospital. Pulled into the parking lot at the hospital and Shannon called to tell me her dad was gone. :(

So I'm really bad at dealing with other people's grief anyway? And I somehow ended up with all four kids at one point and no other adults and they were asking me about Heaven and about why Grandpa Bill had to die and why now and I was kinda at a loss because their parents haven't talked to them about death or what they believe. I think I forget that other kids aren't like my kids, who have a sister that died before they were born so they were always aware of death as a concept, and who have dealt with family deaths quite a few times.

I'm hoping to do some kid-wrangling tomorrow while the girls handle arrangements with their stepmom. I want to help and be there and whatever, but I'm not sure what to do. I know everyone is different, but it's weird to me that they've never talked about funerals with each other? Like, my dad's funeral is planned out and paid for, at his request after my Aunt Nancy died last year. And my brothers and I have had the conversation with each other about what we want for our own funerals. My family is weird, maybe? Point is, I don't want to get dragged along to funeral home arrangement making but it came up this evening and it might happen anyway.

*sigh*

Any prayers and good wishes yall can spare for my friends' family would be greatly appreciated. And if I'm more MIA than usual the next few days, yall know why.

(Also! Storm turns nine on Saturday. I just keep thinking that it's going to SUCK for him to remember his 9th birthday as the one where he buried his grandfather.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

*HUGS* I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. That really does suck.

Your family isn't weird. I know what my mum and my stepdad want, and I'm pretty sure they're aware of what I want, should something happen to me. I'm pretty sure my mum and brother have discussed it as well. I thought it was normal.

I think it's normal, but I've come to find that not all families are like mine, lol. I just think I'd rather them know ahead of time, because you never know when someone is going to die and it's better to have some idea of what that person would want rather than have to try and figure it out (and possibly argue about it) at a difficult/stressful time.

Nothing you say will be "the right thing". You have no special knowledge of the universe that will make them not sad. Talk to them like their people, not everything has to be about their loss.

Also, sometimes the best thing you can be for someone is a warm body that listens to them and makes sure everyone has access to reheatable food & clean clothing. When one of my uncles passed the only thing I could do for his family was bake casseroles and do laundry.

I took my boys with me yesterday to hang out with the kids, and I think that that helped. Also, mac'n'cheese. Right now I'm playing peacemaker because the sisters are fighting about stupid shit b/c everyone is overtired and stressed.

♥ Hope things keep going as well as they can.

Thank you, hun. ♥