Chocolate Confessions
Sep. 12th, 2005 01:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
why_me_why_notTitle: Chocolate Confessions
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
deliciantasy and why_me_why_not
Fandom/Pairing: HP Marauders Era; Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3709 incl. poem at the end, 3577 without it
Summary: Remus & Sirius share a box of chocolates and some secrets. Written in response to the Truthsayer Challenge posted on the Leaky Cauldron forum on OWL.
A/N: Written for the Truthsayer Challenge, though we're not quite sure it technically fits the requirements of the challenge. The Ravenclaw prefect mentioned in passing is named aftermimiheart's daughter. Thanks to mimiheart, Margot (AKA football_girl), and Jillian for betaing. And ltlredhairdgirl, I hope this helps cheer you up! The poem quoted within is given in its entirety after the ficlet, though I think this is too long to be a ficlet & must be labeled a fic. Enjoy!
Sirius Black glanced up from his Charms assignment when the Portrait Hole opened to reveal a stormy-looking Remus Lupin entering the common room. Wondering what was going on with his friend, Sirius quickly shoved his books into his bag and took off up the stairs to their dormitory. When he reached the door, he saw Remus had thrown himself facedown across his four-poster bed, hugging a pillow moodliy and staring at a book. Sirius rolled his eyes. Leave it to Remus to act like a girl, throwing himself on the bed and taking comfort in his favorite book, the one that Sirius knew Remus could recite word for word. Leaves of Grass. Walt Whitman.
Sometimes, on those nights when the world seemed to close in on Sirius, when the dubious honor of being the heir to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black weighed heavily on his mind, Sirius would transform into Padfoot and seek solace in Remus's bed. Remus never tried to talk to Sirius about his obvious avoidance; he merely took it as given that Sirius needed him, needed something that neither could define. Something that neither would attempt to define, because labeling it would dissolve its power. Sirius-as-Padfoot would drift away to sleep, riding the melodic waves of Remus's voice as Remus shared the poems that were so close to his heart. Remus never mentioned it afterwards, the way Padfoot would curl up against him and give him that genuine puppy-dog look. Once a month, the sun would slowly stretch itself across their corner of the world and find Sirius sitting on the dusty floor of the Shrieking Shack, shivering slightly from the drafts that always found their way in. His own blue and silver blanket -- a gift from his aunt Andromeda when she heard he had left home -- wrapped firmly around Remus, who always looked far too drawn and pale on these mornings. Just the two of them, and the ghost of an American Muggle poet as Sirius stumbled over the lines of poetry, trying to find the proper rhythm, not always understanding the words, but aware of the security it afforded Remus. They never mentioned those times either.
Sirius didn't have to see the page to know what poem Remus was reading. Not Heat Flames up and Consumes. The same poem Remus always read when he was feeling out of sorts. Sirius reflected for a moment on how easy it was to determine Remus's moods by the poets he read, and how it was that this particular book was frayed from the comfort it offered, that this particular page was dog-eared in the most loving way, that this particular poem held a piece of Remus's soul.
"Does the tide hurry, seeking something, and never give up?" Sirius quoted softly. His voice was barely more than a whisper, but he knew Remus had heard him, even though there was no response.
"What happened, Remus?" Sirius asked, moving closer to the other boy. Undeterred by the silence, he sat down on the edge of the bed and gave Remus a not-so-gentle shove. "Hey, you going to lay there and pout, or are you going to clue me in so I can devise a brilliant plan to get back at whoever it is?" Glancing around in the silence that followed, Sirius's eyes landed on a box poking out slightly from below James's bed. A bright maroon box declaring "Honeyduke's Finest" in bold, gold cursive. He reached for the box with a grin; chocolate always made things better, especially where his Moony was concerned.
"Here, mate, have a chocolate," he offered, taking the lid off the box and sliding it across the bed towards Remus.
Remus sighed and rolled over to his side, carefully marking his place with a note card before closing the book and laying it aside so that he could take one of the proffered chocolates.
"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong? Or do I have to guess?" Sirius stretched out on the bed a few feet from Remus and helped himself to a piece of chocolate.
Remus glared at him and focused on the sweet in his hand. "Where did you get these? You didn't go to Hogsmeade today, did you? I thought McGonagall banned you?"
"She did. Just because I set fire to the Slytherin bleachers during that Quidditch match last weekend; honestly, the woman doesn't understand the art of pranks! No, no, I didn't go to Hogsmeade. I was here... doing homework!" Sirius gave a mock shudder, noticing the slight glimmer of cheerfulness it evoked in Remus's expression. "Oh, so laughing at my misfortune will make it better, huh? I see what kind of friend you are." Sirius pretended to pout and turned his gaze away from Remus.
Remus, however, had known Sirius too long to take him seriously. He rolled his eyes and reached to pick up his book once more.
Sirius, realizing his ploy wasn't working, reached out to stop him. "C'mon, Moony, tell me who she is."
Remus looked genuinely confused. "Who?"
"The girl that's got you so worked up!" Sirius sighed in exasperation. "Even though you're the one acting like a girl right now," Sirius muttered.
"There's no girl," Remus answered quietly. "Besides, you wouldn't understand."
"Sure, I'd understand!" Sirius replied earnestly. "I'm great at understanding! Why would you think otherwise?"
"It's just that you... you have all these... girlfriends!
Sirius laughed. "Not girlfriends. I don't even have one girlfriend right now, much less multiples! Though, I admit, it might be fun."
Remus huffed and gave Sirius a mock-push. "Get off my bed and leave me in peace," he muttered, reaching for his book once more. "I knew you wouldn't understand!"
Sirius simply laughed and reached for the box of chocolates. "C'mon, Moony," he teased, "have another chocolate. Honeyduke's Finest..." He waved the confection in front of Remus's face and then quickly popped it into his own mouth, complementing the action with lewd noises.
Remus caught the action out of the corner of his eye and his eyes froze on the open book. What on earth is Sirius doing? It's positively indecent! Positively delicious! Wait, what? Why I am I thinking of Sirius like that?
Sirius caught the glint of desire in Remus's eyes and grinned triumphantly. Remus always was a sucker for chocolate... "C'mon, Moony," he taunted, shifted over beside his friend. "You know you want to. Open up."
Remus glanced up tentatively. "Oh, all right. I suppose one more wouldn't hurt," he gave in, starting to reach for the box. "Hey, where'd you get these from again?" Sirius ignored both the question and Remus's hand, choosing instead to feed Remus the chocolate he held, laughing at the warmth that coursed through him when Remus's tongue slid slightly against his fingertips.
"Now... tell me, what's got you all worked up? It's not that Ravenclaw prefect I've seen you studying with, is it? Right pretty lass, if you ask me," Sirius remarked casually as he popped another chocolate in his own mouth.
"Delenn Gugdeon? No... you've got to be kidding me, Padfoot! She's not my type! Why? Is she yours?" Remus answered automatically, vaguely aware that the filter between his brain and his mouth seemed to be malfunctioning.
"No, she's not... and no reason. I just thought, since you've been hanging out with her so much... you two might've..." Sirius made some very rude gestures with his hands and waggled his eyebrows at Remus, who was decidedly appalled.
"Sirius, that's just not... no, we haven't done anything, much really, at all..." Sirius raised his eyebrows at Remus as a sort of a challenge. Remus looked off to the side with a shake of his head. He was starting to feel a little fuzzy, like his thoughts were muddled, but pushed the idea away. Wanting to avoid any further talks about what he could've gotten up to with Delenn... he pressed on. "So, what is your type, then?" He's not sure where he got the courage to ask the question, but there it was. Now all he could do was try not to stare at Sirius while he answered.
Sirius appeared to mull over the question for a moment, as much as Sirius ever thought on anything, before he answered. "I suppose I would say someone who's gorgeous, of course -- nothing less for me -- and I think I rather like the remarkably strong and silent type... brave, smart, funny... shy, with a little bit of a penchant for disregarding the rules...."
"Sorry, Pads," Remus answered cheekily, reaching out to swipe the piece of chocolate that Sirius had just selected. "Prongs would have a fit if he knew you were interested in Evans."
Sirius stared at Remus in shock for a moment, surprised that he had done something so... so un-Remusy! Remus had never taken anything away from Sirius, despite how often Sirius did it to him. Shaking his head, Sirius gave Remus a friendly push. "Not Evans, you prat! She's too... too..."
"Too what, Sirius?"
"Too curvy!"
Remus's eyebrow furrowed in confusion. "Curvy?" Remus paused, looking pointedly at Sirius. "Curvy, Pads? You've got to be kidding me. She's... she's..." However, he wasn't quite sure what to say about Lily Evans, because if he were being honest with himself... he found her a bit too curvy as well.
"What is she to you then?" Sirius demanded, a bit of defensiveness seeping into the edges of his voice, daring Remus to say he's wrong, to say he likes Evans himself, to just say something.
"I hadn't thought about it, really. I mean, Prongs would have a fit if he knew we were in here talking about Evans that way. But I think I might've said too girly..."
"Girly? Whatever you say... you still haven't told me what's got you in such a state."
Remus shot Sirius a look, the one that always made Sirius feel as if he had overlooked the obvious. "We were studying, Sirius." He bit his tongue to suppress the addition of "at first," but it slipped out anyhow. Well, we were actually studying Sirius. Or discussing him, at least.
Sirius looked at his best mate with curiosity. "And?"
"Well, we were studying, and then we were talking about you. Delenn was asking for tips on how to catch the eye of the sexiest boy in our year." Sirius didn't catch Remus shaking his head, trying to clear the fogginess away. He was too excited by the comment.
"Did she really say that?" Sirius asked.
"Say what?" Remus realized too late that he had given voice to his thoughts.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Did she really refer to me as the sexiest boy in our year?"
"No, I did," Remus answered automatically and immediately looked horrified, clamping his hands over his mouth. What on earth is wrong with me? "And you're not supposed to be hearing these things!"
Sirius looked taken aback for a moment, but then a huge grin stole over his face. "You did? You're the one who said I was the sexiest boy in our year? You, Mr. Perfect-Prefect said something so... so...?"
"Yes," Remus answered without hesitation. He was speaking before thinking, and it was beginning to worry him. He had no control over his answers, despite wanting to keep all of this to himself. "I did, okay? Do you have a problem with it? I was just being honest."
The grin on Sirius's face was beginning to change, but Remus wasn't sure what it was morphing into. "No, no problem at all, Moony. I'm just surprised. I didn't think that you would have said that about me. I'm flattered really, but I don't think it's the honest truth. I'm not really the sexiest boy in our year..." He had locked his gaze on Remus as he spoke. He meant everything he said, and he wasn't sure why he hadn't realized it before.
"Don't be embarrassed about it, Sirius," Remus said, even though he was the one feeling rather sheepish as his cheeks began to burn. "You are, and you know it." And then, without thinking, he added under his breath, "At least you flaunt it like you know it." Remus smacked a hand over his eyes. "That was rude and uncalled for and I... I..." He wanted to say 'don't really feel that way', but something... like a slight tug on his conscience, was keeping him from finishing his statement.
"It's the truth. Don't feel so bad, Moony." Sirius had moved closer to Remus, placing a hand on his arm. "It may have been rude, but it's honest. I do walk around here like I own this place, when really it's you." Sirius did not seem to be as affected by this conversation as Remus he was. He was shocked to hear such things from his best mate, and it was having a rather strange effect on the rest of his body as well. "Remus, you're the one who's sexy. You could have anyone you wanted. It's part of your charm, that strong and silent type..." Sirius was inching ever closer to Remus, neither daring to look away. "You're the one who's brave and smart and funny..." He was just inches from Remus now. "You've got that shy, doesn't-know-he's-so-very-sexy, oblivious to the looks everyone gives you thing... that gets all the girls." Remus noticed that Sirius was looking at him rather oddly now.
Remus was backed up to the headboard of his bed, hands planted at his sides, mouth slightly parted, panting, and eyes locked with Sirius. He was nervous and willing his body to respond to his brain, not the words Sirius was spouting. He couldn't be honest with me, could he? He's just having me on now.
Sirius, on the other hand, had managed to crawl up the length of Remus's body, and was now straddling his legs, his arms above Remus's head on the headboard, his own breathing labored and shallow.
"Pads?" Remus asked uncertainly, worried that something might be wrong. He had never seen a look like that in his best mate's eyes before; it was almost carnal.
Sirius leaned back slightly, resting his weight on Remus's legs, placed his hands on his thighs, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Yes, Moony?"
"Are you feeling quite right? I mean, all that stuff you said..." He was willing his voice not to crack. "It was nice of you to say that, but it's not necessary. I mean, I don't think I'm a completely dull prat, but..." He was trying to keep his thoughts to himself, but was once more compelled to speak his mind. "It sounds a bit more like you, Pads. You're the one who can get anyone." Remus's mind flashed back to the library, to the quick kiss he had pressed on Delenn to stifle the burst of jealousy that had erupted when she wouldn't shut up about Sirius. To the angry way he had stormed out of the library when he realized it wasn't Sirius that he was jealous of.
"O nor down-balls, nor perfumes, nor the high, rain-emitting clouds, are borne through the open air," Sirius whispered, slipping into the familiar lines with an ease borne of a slowly dawning revelation.
"Sirius..." Remus warned, wishing the headboard had a little bit of give to it so that he could retreat from the comforting weight of Sirius virtually in his lap.
"Any more than my Soul is borne through the open air," Sirius continued, his words weaving a spell of enticement around Remus's senses.
Remus could do nothing more than shake his head. Seduced by the words that had provided unfailing comfort, he would never be able to pick up his book again without his mind conjuring up the image of Sirius, so close and yet so far, so devastatingly wanton...
"Wafted in all directions, O love, for friendship, for you." And suddenly, Sirius understood. He didn't avoid relationships because he was worried that he was being chased for the Black name and not himself, or because he was aware of the painful reality that even the most unlikely candidate was a servant of the Dark Lord. He avoided relationships because... he was already in one.
The silence stretched out as Sirius studied Remus, taking advantage of his current position to let his eyes roam, trying to memorize the details of the other boy. The way his hair fell forward just slightly into his face, nearly obscuring his eyes. Eyes that weren't just amber, as they first appeared, but contained flecks of gold and promises of a hidden passion. The top two buttons of his shirt undone because Remus couldn't stand the constriction...
"What?" Remus finally asked, breaking the silence with his wary question.
"I... I think I love you..." Sirius whispered bemusedly.
"Sirius, that's not funny." Only Sirius would have the audacity to take Remus's wayward confession and turn it into something of ridicule. Remus's stony stare would have frightened anyone else, and should have frightened Sirius, since the look was more Moony than Remus, and Sirius knew better than anyone how dangerous Moony could be.
"I'm not trying to be funny!" Sirius insisted, sliding closer to Remus. "I'm being completely serious!"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's just it! You're being Sirius! You think everything is a joke, something for you to have fun with!"
"Remus... Moony..." Sirius leaned so close that their noses nearly touched, his eyes holding Remus's gaze steadily though his mind was whirling as he tried to figure out what to say, or do, that could convince Remus that he was being truthful. He reached his hands up to Remus's face, cradling him carefully, and looking beyond the amber and gold, searching for understanding and permission.
Remus barely inclined his head, as if he knew what Sirius were asking of him, closed his eyes and waited. He felt Sirius's weight on his lap shift, and the warmth of his breath before he felt the first tentative kiss. It was more of a brushing of their lips together really, nothing any normal person would get worked up over, but that kiss had Remus's heart beating overtime. Please, let this be real. Remus was afraid to move, afraid that, if he did, he might wake up from this delicious dream. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes.
Sirius looked terribly frightened, as if he had just made the worst mistake of his life. He was sure that Remus had not attempted to be a part of that kiss, and that he had just taken advantage of his friend. "Moony... I'm sorry. I should have asked if you would like to..." Sirius leaned back away from Remus, clearly afraid that he had just imagined his friend having feelings for him.
Before Sirius could get too far away, Remus pulled him back by his shoulders and pressed their lips together. There would be no ending this now; there would be no way Remus could stop it, even if he wanted to. Not that he would ever want to. The two boys remained that way, Sirius in his best mate's lap, kissing and caressing each other's faces, wrapped in a spell neither of them wanted to end.
The spell was broken, however, when the door to the room burst open with a 'bang' and James and Peter stormed in. Sirius jumped out of Remus's lap faster than light at the first noise. He was sure that James at least had seen them kissing.
"Oi! Padfoot, Moony!" James looked rather alarmed at what he walked in on, but gave them both a knowing wink and wide grin. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything... I just wanted to tell you, I've come up with the most brilliant prank ever!" James proclaimed cheerfully as he crossed the room. "I bought a box of Honeyduke's chocolates and laced them with Veritaserum. We're going to give them to Snivellus during lunch tomorrow and then question him about that madman he works for... you know as well as I do he's working for that Voldemort person... and this way we can reveal his secret and get him kicked out for good! What do you--" James stopped when he saw the open box of chocolates on the bed between the two boys. "Did you guys eat those? Damn! That means a whole 'nother month before we can get back to Hogsmeade for more chocolates, and I'll have to brew some more Veritaserum! I hope you two know that you owe me!"
Not Heat Flames up and Consumes
NOT heat flames up and consumes,
Not sea-waves hurry in and out,
Not the air, delicious and dry, the air of the ripe summer, bears lightly along white down-balls of myriads of seeds,
Wafted, sailing gracefully, to drop where they may;
Not these—O none of these, more than the flames of me, consuming, burning for his love whom I love!
O none, more than I, hurrying in and out:
—Does the tide hurry, seeking something, and never give up? O I the same;
O nor down-balls, nor perfumes, nor the high, rain-emitting clouds, are borne through the open air,
Any more than my Soul is borne through the open air,
Wafted in all directions, O love, for friendship, for you.
~~Walt Whitman
Authors:
deliciantasy and why_me_why_notFandom/Pairing: HP Marauders Era; Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3709 incl. poem at the end, 3577 without it
Summary: Remus & Sirius share a box of chocolates and some secrets. Written in response to the Truthsayer Challenge posted on the Leaky Cauldron forum on OWL.
A/N: Written for the Truthsayer Challenge, though we're not quite sure it technically fits the requirements of the challenge. The Ravenclaw prefect mentioned in passing is named after
mimiheart's daughter. Thanks to mimiheart, Margot (AKA football_girl), and Jillian for betaing. And ltlredhairdgirl, I hope this helps cheer you up! The poem quoted within is given in its entirety after the ficlet, though I think this is too long to be a ficlet & must be labeled a fic. Enjoy!Sirius Black glanced up from his Charms assignment when the Portrait Hole opened to reveal a stormy-looking Remus Lupin entering the common room. Wondering what was going on with his friend, Sirius quickly shoved his books into his bag and took off up the stairs to their dormitory. When he reached the door, he saw Remus had thrown himself facedown across his four-poster bed, hugging a pillow moodliy and staring at a book. Sirius rolled his eyes. Leave it to Remus to act like a girl, throwing himself on the bed and taking comfort in his favorite book, the one that Sirius knew Remus could recite word for word. Leaves of Grass. Walt Whitman.
Sometimes, on those nights when the world seemed to close in on Sirius, when the dubious honor of being the heir to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black weighed heavily on his mind, Sirius would transform into Padfoot and seek solace in Remus's bed. Remus never tried to talk to Sirius about his obvious avoidance; he merely took it as given that Sirius needed him, needed something that neither could define. Something that neither would attempt to define, because labeling it would dissolve its power. Sirius-as-Padfoot would drift away to sleep, riding the melodic waves of Remus's voice as Remus shared the poems that were so close to his heart. Remus never mentioned it afterwards, the way Padfoot would curl up against him and give him that genuine puppy-dog look. Once a month, the sun would slowly stretch itself across their corner of the world and find Sirius sitting on the dusty floor of the Shrieking Shack, shivering slightly from the drafts that always found their way in. His own blue and silver blanket -- a gift from his aunt Andromeda when she heard he had left home -- wrapped firmly around Remus, who always looked far too drawn and pale on these mornings. Just the two of them, and the ghost of an American Muggle poet as Sirius stumbled over the lines of poetry, trying to find the proper rhythm, not always understanding the words, but aware of the security it afforded Remus. They never mentioned those times either.
Sirius didn't have to see the page to know what poem Remus was reading. Not Heat Flames up and Consumes. The same poem Remus always read when he was feeling out of sorts. Sirius reflected for a moment on how easy it was to determine Remus's moods by the poets he read, and how it was that this particular book was frayed from the comfort it offered, that this particular page was dog-eared in the most loving way, that this particular poem held a piece of Remus's soul.
"Does the tide hurry, seeking something, and never give up?" Sirius quoted softly. His voice was barely more than a whisper, but he knew Remus had heard him, even though there was no response.
"What happened, Remus?" Sirius asked, moving closer to the other boy. Undeterred by the silence, he sat down on the edge of the bed and gave Remus a not-so-gentle shove. "Hey, you going to lay there and pout, or are you going to clue me in so I can devise a brilliant plan to get back at whoever it is?" Glancing around in the silence that followed, Sirius's eyes landed on a box poking out slightly from below James's bed. A bright maroon box declaring "Honeyduke's Finest" in bold, gold cursive. He reached for the box with a grin; chocolate always made things better, especially where his Moony was concerned.
"Here, mate, have a chocolate," he offered, taking the lid off the box and sliding it across the bed towards Remus.
Remus sighed and rolled over to his side, carefully marking his place with a note card before closing the book and laying it aside so that he could take one of the proffered chocolates.
"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong? Or do I have to guess?" Sirius stretched out on the bed a few feet from Remus and helped himself to a piece of chocolate.
Remus glared at him and focused on the sweet in his hand. "Where did you get these? You didn't go to Hogsmeade today, did you? I thought McGonagall banned you?"
"She did. Just because I set fire to the Slytherin bleachers during that Quidditch match last weekend; honestly, the woman doesn't understand the art of pranks! No, no, I didn't go to Hogsmeade. I was here... doing homework!" Sirius gave a mock shudder, noticing the slight glimmer of cheerfulness it evoked in Remus's expression. "Oh, so laughing at my misfortune will make it better, huh? I see what kind of friend you are." Sirius pretended to pout and turned his gaze away from Remus.
Remus, however, had known Sirius too long to take him seriously. He rolled his eyes and reached to pick up his book once more.
Sirius, realizing his ploy wasn't working, reached out to stop him. "C'mon, Moony, tell me who she is."
Remus looked genuinely confused. "Who?"
"The girl that's got you so worked up!" Sirius sighed in exasperation. "Even though you're the one acting like a girl right now," Sirius muttered.
"There's no girl," Remus answered quietly. "Besides, you wouldn't understand."
"Sure, I'd understand!" Sirius replied earnestly. "I'm great at understanding! Why would you think otherwise?"
"It's just that you... you have all these... girlfriends!
Sirius laughed. "Not girlfriends. I don't even have one girlfriend right now, much less multiples! Though, I admit, it might be fun."
Remus huffed and gave Sirius a mock-push. "Get off my bed and leave me in peace," he muttered, reaching for his book once more. "I knew you wouldn't understand!"
Sirius simply laughed and reached for the box of chocolates. "C'mon, Moony," he teased, "have another chocolate. Honeyduke's Finest..." He waved the confection in front of Remus's face and then quickly popped it into his own mouth, complementing the action with lewd noises.
Remus caught the action out of the corner of his eye and his eyes froze on the open book. What on earth is Sirius doing? It's positively indecent! Positively delicious! Wait, what? Why I am I thinking of Sirius like that?
Sirius caught the glint of desire in Remus's eyes and grinned triumphantly. Remus always was a sucker for chocolate... "C'mon, Moony," he taunted, shifted over beside his friend. "You know you want to. Open up."
Remus glanced up tentatively. "Oh, all right. I suppose one more wouldn't hurt," he gave in, starting to reach for the box. "Hey, where'd you get these from again?" Sirius ignored both the question and Remus's hand, choosing instead to feed Remus the chocolate he held, laughing at the warmth that coursed through him when Remus's tongue slid slightly against his fingertips.
"Now... tell me, what's got you all worked up? It's not that Ravenclaw prefect I've seen you studying with, is it? Right pretty lass, if you ask me," Sirius remarked casually as he popped another chocolate in his own mouth.
"Delenn Gugdeon? No... you've got to be kidding me, Padfoot! She's not my type! Why? Is she yours?" Remus answered automatically, vaguely aware that the filter between his brain and his mouth seemed to be malfunctioning.
"No, she's not... and no reason. I just thought, since you've been hanging out with her so much... you two might've..." Sirius made some very rude gestures with his hands and waggled his eyebrows at Remus, who was decidedly appalled.
"Sirius, that's just not... no, we haven't done anything, much really, at all..." Sirius raised his eyebrows at Remus as a sort of a challenge. Remus looked off to the side with a shake of his head. He was starting to feel a little fuzzy, like his thoughts were muddled, but pushed the idea away. Wanting to avoid any further talks about what he could've gotten up to with Delenn... he pressed on. "So, what is your type, then?" He's not sure where he got the courage to ask the question, but there it was. Now all he could do was try not to stare at Sirius while he answered.
Sirius appeared to mull over the question for a moment, as much as Sirius ever thought on anything, before he answered. "I suppose I would say someone who's gorgeous, of course -- nothing less for me -- and I think I rather like the remarkably strong and silent type... brave, smart, funny... shy, with a little bit of a penchant for disregarding the rules...."
"Sorry, Pads," Remus answered cheekily, reaching out to swipe the piece of chocolate that Sirius had just selected. "Prongs would have a fit if he knew you were interested in Evans."
Sirius stared at Remus in shock for a moment, surprised that he had done something so... so un-Remusy! Remus had never taken anything away from Sirius, despite how often Sirius did it to him. Shaking his head, Sirius gave Remus a friendly push. "Not Evans, you prat! She's too... too..."
"Too what, Sirius?"
"Too curvy!"
Remus's eyebrow furrowed in confusion. "Curvy?" Remus paused, looking pointedly at Sirius. "Curvy, Pads? You've got to be kidding me. She's... she's..." However, he wasn't quite sure what to say about Lily Evans, because if he were being honest with himself... he found her a bit too curvy as well.
"What is she to you then?" Sirius demanded, a bit of defensiveness seeping into the edges of his voice, daring Remus to say he's wrong, to say he likes Evans himself, to just say something.
"I hadn't thought about it, really. I mean, Prongs would have a fit if he knew we were in here talking about Evans that way. But I think I might've said too girly..."
"Girly? Whatever you say... you still haven't told me what's got you in such a state."
Remus shot Sirius a look, the one that always made Sirius feel as if he had overlooked the obvious. "We were studying, Sirius." He bit his tongue to suppress the addition of "at first," but it slipped out anyhow. Well, we were actually studying Sirius. Or discussing him, at least.
Sirius looked at his best mate with curiosity. "And?"
"Well, we were studying, and then we were talking about you. Delenn was asking for tips on how to catch the eye of the sexiest boy in our year." Sirius didn't catch Remus shaking his head, trying to clear the fogginess away. He was too excited by the comment.
"Did she really say that?" Sirius asked.
"Say what?" Remus realized too late that he had given voice to his thoughts.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Did she really refer to me as the sexiest boy in our year?"
"No, I did," Remus answered automatically and immediately looked horrified, clamping his hands over his mouth. What on earth is wrong with me? "And you're not supposed to be hearing these things!"
Sirius looked taken aback for a moment, but then a huge grin stole over his face. "You did? You're the one who said I was the sexiest boy in our year? You, Mr. Perfect-Prefect said something so... so...?"
"Yes," Remus answered without hesitation. He was speaking before thinking, and it was beginning to worry him. He had no control over his answers, despite wanting to keep all of this to himself. "I did, okay? Do you have a problem with it? I was just being honest."
The grin on Sirius's face was beginning to change, but Remus wasn't sure what it was morphing into. "No, no problem at all, Moony. I'm just surprised. I didn't think that you would have said that about me. I'm flattered really, but I don't think it's the honest truth. I'm not really the sexiest boy in our year..." He had locked his gaze on Remus as he spoke. He meant everything he said, and he wasn't sure why he hadn't realized it before.
"Don't be embarrassed about it, Sirius," Remus said, even though he was the one feeling rather sheepish as his cheeks began to burn. "You are, and you know it." And then, without thinking, he added under his breath, "At least you flaunt it like you know it." Remus smacked a hand over his eyes. "That was rude and uncalled for and I... I..." He wanted to say 'don't really feel that way', but something... like a slight tug on his conscience, was keeping him from finishing his statement.
"It's the truth. Don't feel so bad, Moony." Sirius had moved closer to Remus, placing a hand on his arm. "It may have been rude, but it's honest. I do walk around here like I own this place, when really it's you." Sirius did not seem to be as affected by this conversation as Remus he was. He was shocked to hear such things from his best mate, and it was having a rather strange effect on the rest of his body as well. "Remus, you're the one who's sexy. You could have anyone you wanted. It's part of your charm, that strong and silent type..." Sirius was inching ever closer to Remus, neither daring to look away. "You're the one who's brave and smart and funny..." He was just inches from Remus now. "You've got that shy, doesn't-know-he's-so-very-sexy, oblivious to the looks everyone gives you thing... that gets all the girls." Remus noticed that Sirius was looking at him rather oddly now.
Remus was backed up to the headboard of his bed, hands planted at his sides, mouth slightly parted, panting, and eyes locked with Sirius. He was nervous and willing his body to respond to his brain, not the words Sirius was spouting. He couldn't be honest with me, could he? He's just having me on now.
Sirius, on the other hand, had managed to crawl up the length of Remus's body, and was now straddling his legs, his arms above Remus's head on the headboard, his own breathing labored and shallow.
"Pads?" Remus asked uncertainly, worried that something might be wrong. He had never seen a look like that in his best mate's eyes before; it was almost carnal.
Sirius leaned back slightly, resting his weight on Remus's legs, placed his hands on his thighs, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "Yes, Moony?"
"Are you feeling quite right? I mean, all that stuff you said..." He was willing his voice not to crack. "It was nice of you to say that, but it's not necessary. I mean, I don't think I'm a completely dull prat, but..." He was trying to keep his thoughts to himself, but was once more compelled to speak his mind. "It sounds a bit more like you, Pads. You're the one who can get anyone." Remus's mind flashed back to the library, to the quick kiss he had pressed on Delenn to stifle the burst of jealousy that had erupted when she wouldn't shut up about Sirius. To the angry way he had stormed out of the library when he realized it wasn't Sirius that he was jealous of.
"O nor down-balls, nor perfumes, nor the high, rain-emitting clouds, are borne through the open air," Sirius whispered, slipping into the familiar lines with an ease borne of a slowly dawning revelation.
"Sirius..." Remus warned, wishing the headboard had a little bit of give to it so that he could retreat from the comforting weight of Sirius virtually in his lap.
"Any more than my Soul is borne through the open air," Sirius continued, his words weaving a spell of enticement around Remus's senses.
Remus could do nothing more than shake his head. Seduced by the words that had provided unfailing comfort, he would never be able to pick up his book again without his mind conjuring up the image of Sirius, so close and yet so far, so devastatingly wanton...
"Wafted in all directions, O love, for friendship, for you." And suddenly, Sirius understood. He didn't avoid relationships because he was worried that he was being chased for the Black name and not himself, or because he was aware of the painful reality that even the most unlikely candidate was a servant of the Dark Lord. He avoided relationships because... he was already in one.
The silence stretched out as Sirius studied Remus, taking advantage of his current position to let his eyes roam, trying to memorize the details of the other boy. The way his hair fell forward just slightly into his face, nearly obscuring his eyes. Eyes that weren't just amber, as they first appeared, but contained flecks of gold and promises of a hidden passion. The top two buttons of his shirt undone because Remus couldn't stand the constriction...
"What?" Remus finally asked, breaking the silence with his wary question.
"I... I think I love you..." Sirius whispered bemusedly.
"Sirius, that's not funny." Only Sirius would have the audacity to take Remus's wayward confession and turn it into something of ridicule. Remus's stony stare would have frightened anyone else, and should have frightened Sirius, since the look was more Moony than Remus, and Sirius knew better than anyone how dangerous Moony could be.
"I'm not trying to be funny!" Sirius insisted, sliding closer to Remus. "I'm being completely serious!"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's just it! You're being Sirius! You think everything is a joke, something for you to have fun with!"
"Remus... Moony..." Sirius leaned so close that their noses nearly touched, his eyes holding Remus's gaze steadily though his mind was whirling as he tried to figure out what to say, or do, that could convince Remus that he was being truthful. He reached his hands up to Remus's face, cradling him carefully, and looking beyond the amber and gold, searching for understanding and permission.
Remus barely inclined his head, as if he knew what Sirius were asking of him, closed his eyes and waited. He felt Sirius's weight on his lap shift, and the warmth of his breath before he felt the first tentative kiss. It was more of a brushing of their lips together really, nothing any normal person would get worked up over, but that kiss had Remus's heart beating overtime. Please, let this be real. Remus was afraid to move, afraid that, if he did, he might wake up from this delicious dream. He took a deep breath before opening his eyes.
Sirius looked terribly frightened, as if he had just made the worst mistake of his life. He was sure that Remus had not attempted to be a part of that kiss, and that he had just taken advantage of his friend. "Moony... I'm sorry. I should have asked if you would like to..." Sirius leaned back away from Remus, clearly afraid that he had just imagined his friend having feelings for him.
Before Sirius could get too far away, Remus pulled him back by his shoulders and pressed their lips together. There would be no ending this now; there would be no way Remus could stop it, even if he wanted to. Not that he would ever want to. The two boys remained that way, Sirius in his best mate's lap, kissing and caressing each other's faces, wrapped in a spell neither of them wanted to end.
The spell was broken, however, when the door to the room burst open with a 'bang' and James and Peter stormed in. Sirius jumped out of Remus's lap faster than light at the first noise. He was sure that James at least had seen them kissing.
"Oi! Padfoot, Moony!" James looked rather alarmed at what he walked in on, but gave them both a knowing wink and wide grin. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything... I just wanted to tell you, I've come up with the most brilliant prank ever!" James proclaimed cheerfully as he crossed the room. "I bought a box of Honeyduke's chocolates and laced them with Veritaserum. We're going to give them to Snivellus during lunch tomorrow and then question him about that madman he works for... you know as well as I do he's working for that Voldemort person... and this way we can reveal his secret and get him kicked out for good! What do you--" James stopped when he saw the open box of chocolates on the bed between the two boys. "Did you guys eat those? Damn! That means a whole 'nother month before we can get back to Hogsmeade for more chocolates, and I'll have to brew some more Veritaserum! I hope you two know that you owe me!"
Not Heat Flames up and Consumes
NOT heat flames up and consumes,
Not sea-waves hurry in and out,
Not the air, delicious and dry, the air of the ripe summer, bears lightly along white down-balls of myriads of seeds,
Wafted, sailing gracefully, to drop where they may;
Not these—O none of these, more than the flames of me, consuming, burning for his love whom I love!
O none, more than I, hurrying in and out:
—Does the tide hurry, seeking something, and never give up? O I the same;
O nor down-balls, nor perfumes, nor the high, rain-emitting clouds, are borne through the open air,
Any more than my Soul is borne through the open air,
Wafted in all directions, O love, for friendship, for you.
~~Walt Whitman
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Date: 2005-09-14 04:14 am (UTC)Things are going great here. Hope to talk to you soon, and I hope Italian gets a little easier for you! **Hugs**