always been crazy

So, I totally fell asleep last night during the race, in the middle of txtng with snarkyrainbow and following livetweets from my NYC girls about PStump. Woke up around 2am, asked my brother who won the race (Matt Kenseth, for those keeping track), tried to play catch up on twitter/email but that didn't last very long. Seriously, I am SO TIRED these days, esp when I actually take meds for my headaches.

I'm kinda depressed that my brother is out here playing basketball with Davey, and Harley is planting flowers in the yard, and I can't do either. :( (Ronnie is at his other momma's house again) But it's a nice day, so I have the munchkin in her cage out here on the back porch. Roger and Maddie wanted us to come down to the lake for cookout/boatride/etc this evening, but I don't think I can handle that ride today. But Tim just came back from the store with steaks, so haha. He bought extra if anyone wants to come over for dinner, lol.

I've noticed that I have a bad habit of writing about nothing when I write fic. Like, one of the things I have up right now is 1500 words but half of it is really unimportant and pointless. Ridiculousness!

You may remember me saying something about apiphile writing Inception fic that was het and that I'd be disappointed if it was skipped over because of the pairing. You may also remember that I haven't seen Inception, but I like to read AUs and actually like to read fics by authors I like in fandoms I don't know because I can imagine the characters however I like in my own head. And it's easier than most with apiphile's fic, because I have read her original fic and even though TV and BPV aren't actually original fic, they are both worlds of their own. anyway, fic rec.

Take a good swing at all my dreams by apiphile
Written for i_reversebang
Inception || Ariadne/Eames, Arthur/Cobb, past Arthur/Eames || NC-17 || 28,800-ish
Warnings: Some violence, it's a boxing AU!
Summary/notes: This. Only a lot longer.

crotalus_atrox's Art Post and the fanmix posting.

I loved this AU, a lot, and when I'm feeling more clearheaded I'm going to go back and reread it because I have comments for apiphile that I didn't leave for her the first time I read it. But yall should go read fic / enjoy the art & music / leave love for author and artist.

I'm gonna go put the tilapia in marinade and then email asimplechord. <3

Still being super unproductive. Did have a good day on Saturday at Martinsville, despite the headaches and the fact it was super cold and windy and the Bass Pro team didn't win. With the storm rolling in today and that-time-of-the-month also rolling in, my headache last night and today has been epic. Also, my dad and I finished the bedroom downstairs last week, and even though it was decided that Tim would take that room until he found a new place of his own, he didn't go get his bed this weekend like he planned on, so I'm still stuck trying to be polite and not keep the TV/light/my laptop on at night since he has to be up at the crack of dawn for work and we're sharing the living room. Dammit.

In happier news, or the real reason for this post, is that the stories for the Spring Fling Exchange at we_pimpin were posted yesterday. I probably should have rationed them out, but really, what better way to spend a Sunday recovering from an exhausting day of sun and socializing than by overdosing on Ray-fic? Here's the link to the Master Post but here are my favorites: (no authors, obviously, because author reveal isn't until next week)

When I See Tomorrow (I See You There)
Brad/Ray || NC17 || 
5000
 words
When people ask how they met, Brad usually says that Ray followed him home one day, like a demented puppy, and refused to leave.


Sunshine and Springtime
Brad/Ray; Nate/Ray || NC-17 || ~ 9,000 words
The long con of Nathaniel Fick.

You Call This Archaeology?
Brad/Ray || R, for all those creative expletives || 9779 words
Indiana Jones!Au. It’s one thing to talk about consulting with someone, but Brad’s not going to be responsible for keeping some wet-behind-the-ears pup in one piece.

72 Hours Libo

Brad/Ray || NC-17
 || ~4,800
 words
A weekend away from base doesn’t go quite as Brad and Ray expect.

Let the Engines Roar
Ray/Brad || PG-13 || 8,936 words
"You realize we don't do bikes, right? Like, yours is a beauty and I'd fucking love to make an exception, dude, but we're an auto repair shop." He starts walking inside to where Walt is manning the front, because hanging around by the Ducati is just awkward. He'd worry about being rude, except Ray kind of gave that up as a lost cause when he was fourteen. (Fast & Furious AU)

The places we've never been (but were always bound to end up)
Ray/Brad || R || 24,500 words
Brad’s been gone for two years, stopped talking to Ray at least a year before that. Fuck, they haven’t even been friends in almost five years. There doesn’t get to be a lazy, easy friendship between them anymore. Ray just wishes Brad had gotten the memo. warnings: adult language, adult situations, domesticity

I am failing at LJ right now. Actually, I'm failing at life, the internet, and everything right now, so I guess it's par for the course. But I have a list of things I wanted to post about, so I'm going to try and knock that out, then go tackle my inbox and comments, then my flist, then work on fic. Sound like a plan?

If this entry seems like a jumbled mess... well, that's because it is.

Kane's got a song - I think it's from the Live in London album - called Oklahoma State of Mind. Part of it goes NASCAR, strip bars, American made cars, country rockin' women now to get up and get 'em, we got Budweiser beer, Jim Beam, Jack, tequila and lime. Every time I hear that, I think it's totally a Ray Person song. Y/N?

Shameless is SO FREAKING GOOD and I am sad that this week is the finale already when I just got into the show! And I want a million words of all kinds of fic, so I hope there are other people into this. Also, Lip is totally my favorite. But Ian and Fiona are too. And the rest of them.

And I'm totally writing Being Human fanfic (for the US version), especially after Monday's episode.

Someone, I think it was exsequar, posted links on twitter to these pictures of Antartica's Blood Falls, which are pretty damn awesome.

Everyone seems to be hanging out on Tumblr and I'm still behind when it comes to the tumblr craze. Sorry!

A million and one things happened in regards to the panic boys. Brendon Urie is still my favoritest thing in the ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD. No surprise. But I can't tell you anything specific about what's going on with them because I'm failing at the internet. But! I did get a concert call the other night! So I have panic + screaming fangirls on my voicemail, which is a total win!

Kirsten Vangsness posted this pic of MGG and Shemar the other day and it's totally adorable, as those two are.

Wil Wheaton posted about a Stand By Me reunion. for anyone who doesn't know, Stand By Me is my all time favorite movie. ♥

I have this article from our local No Kill Coalition open in a tab, but I'm not sure what I wanted to do with it.

And I have this up as a reminder that I want to find/steal the song b/c it was recced to me when I was looking for songs to write to. (junebug_waltz totally made me an awesome playlist to write kitten!fic too, btw. she is made of win.)

I still have swear_jar's the gentle art of making enemies: cigarettes open on my screen because it doesn't have nearly enough comments on it and I keep meaning to find more people to rec it to and/or encourage to read it.

We were playing Scene It the other day at James's and no one knew the scenes from Footloose! And it was like the tractor scene! Who doesn't know that?!

I am sick and tired of being crazy. So over this bullshit.

Also over these headaches. And I'm worried that they're going to ruin my enjoyment of concerts. I haven't actually been to a concert since I started having them. I mean, I went to the Cobra/Travie concerts, but that was while I was severely concussed, lol, so that doesn't count. And I did go see Carrie Underwood & Billy Currington, but I felt like crap that entire time, and I don't know if that was the company and/or my general emotional state that week. I am so afraid that my enjoyment of Panic and NKOTB/BSB is going to be affected by this. And that my enjoyment of races is going to be affected. We're going to Martinsville next weekend, so I guess that'll be the test.

The other tabs I have open are related to job searching or my CEUs, and the other windows I have open are also related to job searching or to partially written fic. I don't think yall want that, do you? So, I'm going to try to tackle some of this other stuff. I will be so happy when we get my bedroom finished because trying to be quiet because my brother is sleeping is kinda boo. But he has to be up at 3am. Blah.

If I've missed something important, tell me here!

Driving to the lake was a bad idea, blargh. I have never felt so totally carsick when I was driving.

After I picked the boys up, I told them I had a headache and Davey asked if I had "pegleg." I had no idea what he was talking about and he goes "you know, that thing you get when you get bit by a rat." Apparently he meant "the plague" because that's what I said last time I was really sick. When I told him no, I didn't have the plague, he said "well then did your brain get loose & shake around in your head?" Where does he get this nonsense??

I was also behind a truck today that had a license plate that said N8Z HO. Seriously. I wanted to take a pic but my camera phone doesn't take very good pictures.

I am so ready for summer time! I wanna be able to hang at the lake and chill on the boat and just relax and enjoy the outdoors. And every time this damn song comes on, it makes me want it more: Roll With It - Easton Corbin. You can kick back baby and dance in your socks / On the windshield to some radio rock

My daddy made me a valentine. Out of a beer box.

( hearts )

Yes, my daddy is an alcoholic, why do you ask?

Speaking of Valentines Day: (from Soldiers' Angels) for a soldier wondering if America remembers, there’s nothing like being able to put a face to the name of a supportive American back home. Now thanks to FREE photo e-cards from PhotoCardsDirect.com, you can ensure the motto ‘May No Soldier Go Unloved’ becomes a reality this Valentine’s Day! And for every 10 cards created, Soldiers’ Angels will receive $1 toward care packages for deployed military personnel!

Visit http://www.photocardsdirect.com/soldiersangels to send a greeting to a hero!

The free Valentine’s Day e-cards can be sent to anyone with an email address. If you don’t have the email address of a service member, send your card to Valentines2011@soldiersangels.org and we will pass the Valentine to a hero who needs a boost.

If half your heart is in Iraq or Afghanistan this Valentine’s Day, you can bridge that gap and make it whole for a moment with an e-card. With just a couple of mouse clicks, every patriotic American can let the troops know how much they are loved and appreciated, that they are not forgotten.

Visit http://www.photocardsdirect.com/soldiersangels to send a greeting to a hero!

Join us in helping ensure our deployed heroes know how much America loves and appreciates them all!

So, had a killer headache again today. *sigh* (one of the things that my sis-in-law mentioned - she's a nurse at my drs office, btw - is keeping a "headache journal" to get an idea of how often the headaches happen, and I realized that a LOT of my journal entries and tweets from the past few months say I have a headache)

I'm gonna try to get in to see the dr on Wednesday; they think it may be related to the concussion. (I'm gonna hold the car accident over Harley's head forever, yall. "I was crazy but less fucked up before you ran me underneath a Suburban!") And triggered by stress.

This morning when I called in to work, I also emailed my current supervisor and basically said that she could send my personal items home with Katherine or Heather and that I'd turn in my badge when I was feeling better. She called and left me a message to please call her so we could work something out because she didn't want to lose me as an agent. And then she opened an FMLA case for me. Um, really? I mean, I'm not going to complain, because that gives me a 15 day window at least, which means I'll keep my health insurance at least until the end of February and I need to get Ronnie some glasses, but still. I'm just kinda befuddled. But I'll take the rest of this week off and have Dr Annis fill out the paperwork that they're sending me and we'll see what happens. How is this my life, that I can't even manage to get fired from my stupid job?

I was gonna tell yall something funny about Davey but I can't remember what it was now.

I told swear_jar that I was gonna try to have an email waiting for her when she got home from work, but I didn't manage it, so I'm gonna try to do that now.

Also, did yall see this super cute pic earlier today?

( awwww! )

I haven't posted actual fic since the beginning of August. What is that nonsense???

Today was a craptastic day, and everything is falling apart. My solution to that is to retreat into fandom and say "fuck it" to the real world. Sounds like a plan, right?

I'm physically too tired to keep my eyes open much longer, much less keep playing on my phone, but I want to. Happy list in the a.m. Love yall; happy Friday! *mwah*

Last night I escaped to my room around 7ish b/c of miserableness (omg girl parts, wtf?) and heat (the a/c in my bedroom is a godsend). Didn't plan on going to sleep, and I even managed to play on my phone for a bit, but I dozed off & on ALL NIGHT. And I'm so nonfunctional when I get more than a couple hours of sleep.

Today is a weird, underwatery dreamy feeling day. Idek. Plus, people are ignorant today. So ready to go home.

Also, Mom & Harley & the kids just left for the beach. idk if I'm gonna go down & meet them on Saturday or not. The female thing is kinda a big deterrent on beachness. I'm thinking I might go put in some hours at the habitat house Sat morning & spend the rest of the weekend at home. Housecleaning when the boys are away means I can get rid of toys!

Thursdays used to be my favoritest day of the week. (It's Rex Manning Day!) Yall should leave me a comment with your favorite SPN quote ("I miss conversations that didn't start with "This Killer Truck" and "Sam wears women's underwear" are still high on my list) or a favorite SPN pic or something you love about SPN.

Today's excursion in ridiculousness: I planned on taking the boys to the NC Zoo on Saturday as a surprise, and have all the details planned out, and am pretty excited about it. Then my brother tells me that he and his wife and the kids and Kristina's best friend and her kid are all going down there on Saturday. So now I'm all sad and ready to cry because this means that what I planned for the boys is no longer *special* and also if we run into them down there (which is pretty inevitable), it won't be time for me and the kids. I am ridiculously upset by this for no good reason.

Also, sitting in the dr's office SUCKS.

So, I decided against making an actual mommy/auntie filter for now. That may change after Illy is born, but for now yall can read if your interested and skip if you're not.

1. Ronnie is on an 'action plan' to put more effort into his schoolwork (yall know what a hard time I've had with him ALWAYS), but now, because he's getting extra attention for it, Davey is failing stuff ON PURPOSE so he gets that extra attention to. Parenting fail, wtf. I'm not quite sure what to do.

2. work!Amy is in IL for the weekend - her hubby graduates from Navy boot camp tomorrow - and Robbie is in Atlanta for the weekend for some video game thingy and Brittany is off tomorrow, so it's just gonna be me and work!Heather. Here's hoping for a quiet Friday. :)

3. Baby shower on Saturday. I apparently have one more prize than I do games lined up; anyone have a suggestion for a good baby shower game?

4. Somehow, I find that I'm going to be head coach for the boys' soccer team? idek. It's only one hour, twice a week, starting next week and going through the end of May, but still. I'm not sure how this happened or how I feel about it.

5. wendy posted a picture of this rainbow wedding dress from this rainbow wedding and I'm kinda in love with it.

6. starflowers wrote Bob/William fic: Prettier Than All The Rest

7. gelsey is doing hp rarepair drabble challenges for her flist. The challenge from last Friday is:
~ Severus Snape / Ginny Weasley
~ "One's first love is always perfect until one meets one's second love." Elizabeth Aston
~ doppelganger, repeat
~ portion, attempt, gaze
~ Pretty When You Cry by VAST
~ Janie's Got a Gun by Aerosmith

8. apiphile wrote A Guide to Mentally-Ill Thought Processes and also linked this post about "getting help" by naamah_darling. I highly recommend both of them to every single one of you.

9. last night, ashlein made a post asking for Draco/Neville recs, and I was like "Hey, I wrote that once!" But then I had to find it, and apparently I never actually linked it from my personal LJ after reveals were done at hpslashnotsmut last year? idk. But here it is.

Jump to Conclusions (note: while that is a line from an Empires song, I don't think that's where I got the title from? possibly, though.)
Draco/Neville || PG for a few curse words || ~2700 words
Draco’s keeping secrets from Neville.

10. A meme, as tagged by thedogstarlives several days ago. First: If you've been tagged, you must write your answers in your own LJ and replace any question that you dislike with a new question. Second: Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

( questions under the cut )

Tag: I don't know who has already done this, so if anyone hasn't done it and would like to, have at it! ♥

I am so done with this shit. I fucking give up. Obviously, everything I do is wrong and I'm not supposed to have anything that makes me happy. I'm about three steps away from deleting everything - lj, twitter, myspace, facebook - and going back to being friendless and miserable and worthless b/c that's apparently how I'm supposed to be.