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Nov. 5th, 2018 03:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
why_me_why_notI will never understand other parents.
Saw on facebook: Had a chat with Kynlee and she has agreed to give target a try. We negotiated Lovey coming along, 1 new Barbie purchased after the shot and Sweet Frog. (related to getting a flu shot)
Elise's mom took off for California on Saturday morning, with no advance planning, leaving a guy she's only known a couple weeks at her house, and not concerned about the fact that Elise (who is FOURTEEN) needed a ride to district choir auditions that afternoon. She gave Elise a credit card to buy food while she's gone. Elise has since lost it - because she's 14! - so it's stressing me. (Two weeks ago was the fall choir concert - neither of Elise's parents showed up because they forgot.) Grrrrr.
But I need advice about one of my other kids. DB has been on the wrestling team with Davey, and in the four years that they've wrestled together, his mom has never come to a match. She's nice, don't get me wrong, but there are things I don't understand and I don't talk to her enough to know things because I only hear them from DB. But I do know that DB can be at my house for days before she even calls him to ask where he is (although I know that really DB is 16 and should be letting her know where he is if he's not going home - he does let his grandma know though). DB and stepdad have never got along, and a couple years ago, stepdad's ex-wife passed away suddenly so one day it was just DB and his sister and the next day there were five kids. And even I can see that they treat the stepkids differently.
DB has had trouble with the law. He spent a couple months in juvie in 8th grade for possession of marijuana. He's been on/off in trouble since then, ususally for mouthing off at school, but nothing serious. Although some weekends he runs around with a bad crowd and could potentially get in trouble. About a month ago, I got a call from DB asking if I would come bail him out of jail, and he sounded serious (he and a couple of the others jokingly ask me that a lot - teenagers are the worst). Apparently he and stepdad got into an argument, stepdad hit him, DB threatened to kill him. Mom and stepdad left the house, grandma called the police because DB was legit ready to go off on stepdad when he got back, and grandma didn't want him in that much trouble. Cops come, DB gets in trouble for having a firearm. Stepdad gets charged with aggravated assault. Mom and stepdad are supposed to move out of the house - grandma has been trying to get them out for months, but they are still there.
Now, grandma is sick - she has dialysis multiple times a week already, and just spent a week in the hospital. If something happens to her, DB is going to be devastated. So he's stressing about that. He's stressing about school. Last year, he got kicked off the wrestling team the week before regionals because he had an F in English for the semester. So since then I've been keeping up with his grades on powerschool - apparently his mom has never logged into it, and Elise's mom has never logged into hers, and we've had powerschool since the kids were in elementary school so why are they not checking grades??? - and staying on him about getting his work done, like I do my own kids, but he's behind because he hasn't done his work previously. Also, he has already missed several days of school, a couple for court but a couple just because.
Now he went out last weekend or on Halloween or something, and smoked up with some friends. And he had to meet with his PO this morning for a piss test. So there's that.
The other day in the car, I asked him what he would want to do with his life if there wasn't all this - the stepdad situation, the charges, etc. He said he used to want to be an athletic trainer, but that it would never happen because he's just another black kid who'll never be anything so he's going to do what he knows, which is selling drugs. Like, I can't even handle this.
I told him I'd go to court with him and whatever, and gave him the mom speech about how he doesn't have to live down to expectations and how I'll always have his back and that I know he can do better. But he needs something. I'm thinking of reaching out to one of the guys from one of our neighborhood churches. The church I belong to is smack dab in the middle of a predominantly black neighborhood but our congregation is predominantly white. But the two churches next to us are predominantly black, and we do a LOT with them and they're all awesome people. But I'm thinking if I can get DB hooked up with someone who can show him that you can grow up in this neighborhood as a black kid and still be something more, then that'll help. Idk. It's just all around frustrating because I love this kid and he's a good kid and I want better things for him!
I am far from a perfect parent. There are plenty of days where I'm convinced I'm a shitty parent. I make bad decisions, I don't always know what do say or do, my kids have to step in to help me sometimes with my health or with household money or whatever. And I am trying to be less judgey of other people because I don't know their situations. But ughhhhh.
Saw on facebook: Had a chat with Kynlee and she has agreed to give target a try. We negotiated Lovey coming along, 1 new Barbie purchased after the shot and Sweet Frog. (related to getting a flu shot)
Elise's mom took off for California on Saturday morning, with no advance planning, leaving a guy she's only known a couple weeks at her house, and not concerned about the fact that Elise (who is FOURTEEN) needed a ride to district choir auditions that afternoon. She gave Elise a credit card to buy food while she's gone. Elise has since lost it - because she's 14! - so it's stressing me. (Two weeks ago was the fall choir concert - neither of Elise's parents showed up because they forgot.) Grrrrr.
But I need advice about one of my other kids. DB has been on the wrestling team with Davey, and in the four years that they've wrestled together, his mom has never come to a match. She's nice, don't get me wrong, but there are things I don't understand and I don't talk to her enough to know things because I only hear them from DB. But I do know that DB can be at my house for days before she even calls him to ask where he is (although I know that really DB is 16 and should be letting her know where he is if he's not going home - he does let his grandma know though). DB and stepdad have never got along, and a couple years ago, stepdad's ex-wife passed away suddenly so one day it was just DB and his sister and the next day there were five kids. And even I can see that they treat the stepkids differently.
DB has had trouble with the law. He spent a couple months in juvie in 8th grade for possession of marijuana. He's been on/off in trouble since then, ususally for mouthing off at school, but nothing serious. Although some weekends he runs around with a bad crowd and could potentially get in trouble. About a month ago, I got a call from DB asking if I would come bail him out of jail, and he sounded serious (he and a couple of the others jokingly ask me that a lot - teenagers are the worst). Apparently he and stepdad got into an argument, stepdad hit him, DB threatened to kill him. Mom and stepdad left the house, grandma called the police because DB was legit ready to go off on stepdad when he got back, and grandma didn't want him in that much trouble. Cops come, DB gets in trouble for having a firearm. Stepdad gets charged with aggravated assault. Mom and stepdad are supposed to move out of the house - grandma has been trying to get them out for months, but they are still there.
Now, grandma is sick - she has dialysis multiple times a week already, and just spent a week in the hospital. If something happens to her, DB is going to be devastated. So he's stressing about that. He's stressing about school. Last year, he got kicked off the wrestling team the week before regionals because he had an F in English for the semester. So since then I've been keeping up with his grades on powerschool - apparently his mom has never logged into it, and Elise's mom has never logged into hers, and we've had powerschool since the kids were in elementary school so why are they not checking grades??? - and staying on him about getting his work done, like I do my own kids, but he's behind because he hasn't done his work previously. Also, he has already missed several days of school, a couple for court but a couple just because.
Now he went out last weekend or on Halloween or something, and smoked up with some friends. And he had to meet with his PO this morning for a piss test. So there's that.
The other day in the car, I asked him what he would want to do with his life if there wasn't all this - the stepdad situation, the charges, etc. He said he used to want to be an athletic trainer, but that it would never happen because he's just another black kid who'll never be anything so he's going to do what he knows, which is selling drugs. Like, I can't even handle this.
I told him I'd go to court with him and whatever, and gave him the mom speech about how he doesn't have to live down to expectations and how I'll always have his back and that I know he can do better. But he needs something. I'm thinking of reaching out to one of the guys from one of our neighborhood churches. The church I belong to is smack dab in the middle of a predominantly black neighborhood but our congregation is predominantly white. But the two churches next to us are predominantly black, and we do a LOT with them and they're all awesome people. But I'm thinking if I can get DB hooked up with someone who can show him that you can grow up in this neighborhood as a black kid and still be something more, then that'll help. Idk. It's just all around frustrating because I love this kid and he's a good kid and I want better things for him!
I am far from a perfect parent. There are plenty of days where I'm convinced I'm a shitty parent. I make bad decisions, I don't always know what do say or do, my kids have to step in to help me sometimes with my health or with household money or whatever. And I am trying to be less judgey of other people because I don't know their situations. But ughhhhh.
