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May. 18th, 2005 05:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
why_me_why_notTitle: Picking Up the Pieces
Author: why_me_why_not
Rating: PG, for now at least
Summary: Draco & Harry are thrown together after both face situations that have turned their lives upside down. Will they become friends themselves?
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. I don't own the characters. I just borrow them and let them play around in my head (as long as I get to watch). No copyright infringement or disrespect intended. Please don't sue b/c I have less than nothing.
A/N: links to previous chapters under cut
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
A/N: Here is Chapter 17 (finally--sorry about the wait!) Special thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lilian_cho for her wonderful beta skills. And I have sent Chapters 18 & 19 to her so hopefully it won't be so long until the next update. As I've said before, if you're looking for something to read between updates, check out the fics on OWL.
Tuesday evening, Draco was startled to find Harry tossing his books onto the table beside him in the Great Hall.
“Help me with my Potions essay,” Harry said without preamble.
“What?” Draco asked, with a quick, confused glance at Crabbe and Goyle who were sitting across from him working on their Charms homework.
“Potions,” Harry repeated, pulling out his text and several sheets of parchment. “I need help. The point of these get-togethers is to help each other study and I need you to help me with my Potions assignment.”
“Potter, I’m sure that Granger would give you sufficient help on your essay if you asked; after all, she is adequate at Potions.”
“Hermione is more than adequate at Potions, but she’s working with a group of third years on Ancient Runes. And you don’t seem to mind explaining things more than once if I don’t understand. She just gets mad and tells me the answers. Besides, every time I get near her she wants to talk about my repressed feelings or some such.” He quickly skimmed through the pages in his text to find the proper section. “Here—can you explain the proper preparation of Jobberknoll feathers to be used in truth serum?”
Draco sighed as he set his own work aside to take Harry’s Potions text. “That’s simple. Didn’t you pay attention at all in class?”
“No,” Harry answered with a shrug. “I was focused more on not letting Snape see I was falling asleep in his class—he would have boiled me alive!”
“Too busy with your Gryffindor escapades to sleep at night?”
Harry glanced at Crabbe and Goyle, making sure they had both gone back to their own work, before turning back to Draco and replying quietly, “I have nightmares if I do sleep. But at least I’ve got the Silencing Charm down pat now!”
Draco frowned. “Maybe you should see about getting some Dreamless Sleep potion—I’m sure Pomfrey or McGonagall would…”
“No, it’s okay. If I ask for Dreamless Sleep, I’m going to have to tell them what my dreams are. Having Hermione and Ginny hovering over me all the time is bad enough; I don’t need Madame Pomfrey or any of the professors doing it too. Not that it matters because everyone thinks I’m nutters anyway.”
“Of course everyone thinks you’re nutters,” Draco replied calmly. “I mean, you obviously are, after all. And the lack of sleep is starting to make you look like a stark raving lunatic!”
“Malfoy!”
“What? I gave you my word you could come to me for honesty! Do you want me to lie?”
“No, you prat, I want you to help me with this stupid assignment!”
“Okay, okay,” Draco said, slipping into what Harry recognized as his teaching mode. “In order to create even a simple truth serum, which is what we are doing this week in Potions, you have to start with the proper ingredients, including the feathers from an adult Jobberknoll…”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Draco knew before he woke up Wednesday morning that it was going to be a bad day. Talking to Harry the night before had apparently had a subliminal effect on his subconscious because his sleep was troubled. He woke up fighting a scream once, reliving that night (the night his whole world was flipped upside down) and then woke again later because of a strange dream that he was running through the dungeons with snakes coming out from each side of the corridor. There was a golden light at the end of the corridor but it seemed to get further away the more Draco ran, and as the snakes wrapped themselves around him, he noticed some of his fellow Slytherins in alcoves on both sides, laughing at him. Theodore Nott, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode, Daphne Greengrass, several of the seventh years and a few younger students. He felt anything but rested when he heard Goyle calling for him the next morning.
Draco rolled out of bed with a groan, not looking forward to the day ahead. He was getting ready to leave for breakfast when Blaise entered the room.
“Well, well, Malfoy,” Blaise sneered, “getting awfully chummy with the Gryffindorks, aren’t you?”
“What are you on about now, Zabini?”
“I saw you helping Potter last night in the Great Hall!”
“And? I was earning Slytherin house points, and I was awarded double points from McGonagall for not hexing Potter on sight.” Draco sneered at the other boy. “You should be grateful since I’m making up for the points you lost us by being late for three classes in the last two days!” Before Blaise could reply, Draco headed out of the dorms. Halfway to the Great Hall, he decided he wasn’t hungry and changed course. He thought briefly about heading to the Quidditch pitch, wishing he had brought his broom out with him since it would have been a good morning for a fly before class, but instead found himself walking toward the lake. As he neared the shore, he noticed a lone figure sitting in the grass, tossing rocks into the water. The maroon and gold school robes and disorderly black hair were a dead giveaway as to who it was.
“Shouldn’t you be at breakfast instead of trying to become breakfast yourself by taunting the squid?” he called when he was close enough.
Harry hesitated for a moment before throwing the next rock. “If you were at breakfast, you wouldn’t know I was out here.”
“Yes, but I’m not the one who’s been skipping meals. I don’t think one breakfast is going to make a difference. I haven’t seen you eat in days.”
“This is the first meal I’ve missed since the start of term,” Harry protested feebly.
“You sit in the Great Hall with your friends and play with your food,” Draco pointed out. “You very rarely eat.”
Harry shrugged. “I’m just not hungry. I don’t taste it even if I do eat, and either way I still feel empty so there’s not much point. Anyway, Hermione and Ginny made me eat last night at dinner.”
“Ah, yes, Granger and the Weaselette.” Draco sat down cross-legged on the grass beside Harry. “I saw them trying to force feed you the other night.”
“Why are you so interested in my dining habits, anyway?”
“I’m not; you and your friends just choose to sit right in my line of vision.”
“Hmm.” Harry pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “Neville asked me for permission to date Ginny.”
“Why did Longbottom have to ask you?”
“Ginny had a crush on me a while back. I think she’s been over it for a while, I mean she dated Michael Corner last year and Dean Thomas over the summer, but I don’t know how women think. And apparently Hermione convinced Ginny that I might be offended by her dating one of my friends even though I never had feelings like that for her. I overheard them talking the other day about me being unstable and that sudden changes or surprises are bad for me.”
“That sounds like perfectly flawed Muggle logic.”
“Yeah, it does.” Harry frowned and picked at the hem of his robe. “I just want my friends to be happy. They all want to tiptoe around me like I’m going to break. Hermione even cuts articles out of the Daily Prophet before she lets me read it.”
Draco was tempted to say something about how Harry was lucky they cared for him that way, but didn’t know where that line of thinking had come from. Instead, he asked, “What did you tell him?”
“Just what I just told you; I want them to be happy. If Ginny and Neville make each other happy, that’s great. Maybe he’ll keep her occupied so she has less time to worry over me. But of course, this means Ginny and Hermione have another spy in my dorm room. Ron already tells them every time he suspects I have a nightmare.”
“I thought you said you were casting silencing charms at night?”
“I am. This was before. It was why I started sleeping in the common room. McGonagall threatened me with detention if they find me sleeping on the couch again, though.”
“Have you been sleeping?”
Harry started to get up. “I don’t need this from you too, Malfoy,” he said wearily.
“Sit down, Potter,” Draco ordered with a sigh. “I’m trying to be polite. You should try it sometime.”
Harry shook his head without looking at Draco. “No, I need to go back to the tower for my books. I have to face Snape twice today and I’m not really looking forward to it. I’ll see you at the DA tonight.”
Draco watched him walk back to the castle, wondering how long it had been since Harry had slept. Not that he was concerned, of course. Heaving another sigh, Draco stood and dusted off his robes. It was bad enough he was worried about Karissa; he didn’t need to add that foolish Gryffindor to his list, too.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
As far as Harry was concerned, a frustrated, sulking Draco was not a good thing. For the last twenty minutes, Draco had been standing against the wall in the Room of Requirement, glaring at the other DA members who were making progress with their Patronus charms, or at least giving it a fair shot. He had looked unsettled when Harry tried to describe the method behind casting a successful Patronus, and gave up after several tries despite the fact there were very few DA members who were actually able to perform the charm. Several students were still leery of Draco and his intentions, and his fierce look was causing a noticeable hindrance in their abilities to conjure the requisite happy memory. Despite their history, Harry had grown rather used to a different Draco in the last several weeks and the malevolent stare was not one he had been eager to see again.
Harry sighed and called a halt to the practice. “Okay, I think that’s enough for tonight. We need to start heading back to the dorms if we all want to make curfew.” He used his wand to send up a shimmer of sparks in order to get the attention of Hermione, Terry Boot, and Cho Chang, who were all working with the younger DA members in some form. “Alright, everyone, just a few reminders; when you leave, make sure it’s in a group of three or four, let the group ahead of you have enough time to get down the hallway before you go out, and if you don’t have one of the charmed Galleons, see Hermione before you leave. Dumbledore has made arrangements for a special class in Muggle first aid techniques. It’s going to be held in the Great Hall on Sunday after lunch. This is open to the entire school so it’s not necessarily a DA thing, but I expect to see all of you there.” He looked around at everyone, not sure what to say to dismiss them. “Have a good night.”
Harry watched as the other students split into groups and headed back to their dorms, talking cheerfully amongst each other. He tried not to laugh at the frazzled look on Hermione’s face as she walked away from the first years that she had been working with. Hermione may have been the brightest witch of their age, but she definitely lacked the patience that made a good teacher. On the other hand…Harry’s gaze drifted back to where Draco was still holding up the wall. Draco had a knack for teaching, when he wasn’t acting like a prat. It was a shame he acted like a prat a majority of the time. As the room emptied, Harry made his way across the room to stand next to Draco.
“The Patronus charm is hard,” Harry said in a low voice. “It took me several tries to get it, and most everyone else that was here tonight started working on it last year. You’ll get it.”
“No, I won’t,” Draco said with a slight shake of his head. “I can’t believe I’ve been bested by Longbottom!”
“It takes practice. You have to find the right memory. It has to be something really happy—” Harry broke off, startled by the dark look in Draco’s eyes. “What?”
“Exactly where do you think I’m going to find a happy memory, Potter? Maybe getting my Hogwarts letter? But that was the same day I mastered the Killing Curse. How about making the House Quidditch team? Oh, that’s right, I let my father buy my way onto the team.” Draco shuffled his feet on the floor. “I’m not you, Potter. Every bit of magic I’ve ever learned has been fueled by hatred or anger. Most of it directed at you, by the way. I think this is one spell I won’t be mastering.”
Harry sighed as the door shut behind the last of the DA members. He closed his eyes for a moment and opened them to find two large chairs in the center of the room. “Sit down, Malfoy,” he said wearily, sinking into the cushions of the closest chair. “Dobby!”
The House-elf arrived almost instantly. “Yes, Mister Harry Potter? What can Dobby be doing for you?”
“Dobby, do you think you could bring us a couple butterbeers?”
“Yes, sir, Harry Potter, sir! It would be Dobby’s pleasure!” The House-elf vanished for a moment and reappeared with two butterbeers and a platter of miniature cakes. Harry thanked him as he set the things down on the small table that had appeared between the chairs.
Draco dropped into the opposite chair and grabbed one of the bottles. “The Famous Harry Potter. Even the House-elves are part of your fan club.”
Harry ignored the attempt to get his hackles up. “Maybe I should have waited until next week to do the Patronus charms. Then Remus could have been here and you might have had an easier time learning it from him.”
“It’s not your instruction that’s the problem.”
“Still, it’s hypocritical of me. I—I’m nervous about attempting the charm myself. That’s why I let Cho and Hermione do the demonstration. I don’t know if I can do it after S—after the Ministry incident. I don’t need the dementors around to relive that night.”
“Are you still having nightmares about that night?” Draco’s question sounded honestly curious rather than an attempt at gathering blackmail material.
Harry rolled his eyes. “Only when I sleep.” He selected one of the cakes off the plate. “How’s Quidditch practice going?”
“Oh, right, like I’m going to spill my team secrets to you. Why do you change the subject every time we start talking about you?”
“What do you want me to say, Malfoy? I don’t want to talk about me. It’s not important.”
Draco sat up straight and looked at Harry solemnly. “It is important, Harry. Tell me about your dream.”
Harry shook his head. “I don’t like dreaming it, much less talking about it. Thanks anyway.”
Draco reached out and laid his hand on Harry’ arm. “Tell me what happened at the Department of Mysteries.”
“You already know what happened. It was all over the school the next day.”
“I know most of what happened,” Draco corrected. “Your friends weren’t with you the entire time, and they didn’t necessarily see what you saw. And most of my information came from my father. He was inclined to distort the truth the to fit his needs. And he hated Black. Tell me what happened to Black, what you saw that gives you nightmares.”
Harry hesitated, then pulled his feet up into the large chair, hooking his arms around his knees. “Neville and I were fighting with the Death Eaters. Your father was there, demanding the prophecy, and your aunt Bellatrix cast Crucio on Neville to make me give it up. I probably would have, but next thing I remember Sirius was there, along with Remus, Tonks, Moody, and Shacklebolt. There were curses flying everywhere. Dolohov tried to get the prophecy from me and Sirius stopped him until I hexed him with Petrificus Totalus--Dolohov, not Sirius, of course. Then Sirius told me and Neville to get out and he started dueling with Bellatrix. Lucius tried to stop me and Neville, but Remus was there. Then Dumbledore showed up, and almost everyone in the room stopped. Except for Sirius. Sirius was still fighting with Bellatrix, tossing hexes back and forth, and laughing for Merlin’s sake! He was enjoying it! She hit him with a hex, something red, not a Killing Curse. She didn’t kill him that way, but it knocked him off balance. He f-fell through the veil on the dais. I kept waiting and waiting for him to come out the other side—I mean, it’s just a piece of cloth, right?” Harry drew an unsteady breath as he gave a futile swipe under his eyes with the back of his hand.
“I tried to reach him, tried to reach the veil,” he continued. “But R-remus stopped me. He said that there was nothing I could do, that Sirius was gone. Gods, Draco, he sounded like he was going to cry when he said Sirius was de… He wouldn’t let me go; all I w-wanted was to go after Sirius. I keep seeing him falling through the veil, replaying in slow motion over and over. I ruined his life. S-s-sirius would have done anything for me and I ruined his life. If it wasn’t for that stupid prophecy, Voldemort wouldn’t have killed my parents, and Sirius wouldn’t have had to go after Pettigrew. He wouldn’t have spent those twelve years in Azkaban. If I had mastered Occlumency, maybe Voldemort wouldn’t have known how important Sirius was to me, and he certainly wouldn’t have been able to send me that fake image of Sirius being held by Death Eaters in the Department of Ministries. If I had gone to Snape, or trusted him to understand what my stupid code meant…if I had trusted Sirius.” Harry put his head down and let the tears fall, shoulders shaking silently.
Draco knelt on the floor beside Harry’s chair. Tentatively, he reached out a hand and started rubbing small circles on Harry’s back like he had done with Karissa when she was upset. “You don’t know what might have been, Harry. Sirius wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, and from what I’ve heard he would be quite upset over you hurting like this.” When Harry didn’t answer, Draco said, “There was a Muggle sentiment I heard once that those who love us never truly leave us. I didn’t pay much attention to it at the time since no one loves me like that, except maybe a couple of the house-elves. But your parents, and Sirius, loved you enough to fight for you, to give their lives for you. I don’t think they did it so you can wallow in self-pity and be miserable.”
Harry raised his head, removed his glasses, and wiped his eyes with the corner of his robe before looking at Draco. “If you tell anybody I was crying, I’ll hex you into next week,” he threatened with a slight smile.
Draco grinned. “Come on, we’re out past curfew and I’ve already got enough detentions to last until the end of the month!”
Chapter 18
Author: why_me_why_not
Rating: PG, for now at least
Summary: Draco & Harry are thrown together after both face situations that have turned their lives upside down. Will they become friends themselves?
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. I don't own the characters. I just borrow them and let them play around in my head (as long as I get to watch). No copyright infringement or disrespect intended. Please don't sue b/c I have less than nothing.
A/N: links to previous chapters under cut
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
A/N: Here is Chapter 17 (finally--sorry about the wait!) Special thanks to
lilian_cho for her wonderful beta skills. And I have sent Chapters 18 & 19 to her so hopefully it won't be so long until the next update. As I've said before, if you're looking for something to read between updates, check out the fics on OWL. Tuesday evening, Draco was startled to find Harry tossing his books onto the table beside him in the Great Hall.
“Help me with my Potions essay,” Harry said without preamble.
“What?” Draco asked, with a quick, confused glance at Crabbe and Goyle who were sitting across from him working on their Charms homework.
“Potions,” Harry repeated, pulling out his text and several sheets of parchment. “I need help. The point of these get-togethers is to help each other study and I need you to help me with my Potions assignment.”
“Potter, I’m sure that Granger would give you sufficient help on your essay if you asked; after all, she is adequate at Potions.”
“Hermione is more than adequate at Potions, but she’s working with a group of third years on Ancient Runes. And you don’t seem to mind explaining things more than once if I don’t understand. She just gets mad and tells me the answers. Besides, every time I get near her she wants to talk about my repressed feelings or some such.” He quickly skimmed through the pages in his text to find the proper section. “Here—can you explain the proper preparation of Jobberknoll feathers to be used in truth serum?”
Draco sighed as he set his own work aside to take Harry’s Potions text. “That’s simple. Didn’t you pay attention at all in class?”
“No,” Harry answered with a shrug. “I was focused more on not letting Snape see I was falling asleep in his class—he would have boiled me alive!”
“Too busy with your Gryffindor escapades to sleep at night?”
Harry glanced at Crabbe and Goyle, making sure they had both gone back to their own work, before turning back to Draco and replying quietly, “I have nightmares if I do sleep. But at least I’ve got the Silencing Charm down pat now!”
Draco frowned. “Maybe you should see about getting some Dreamless Sleep potion—I’m sure Pomfrey or McGonagall would…”
“No, it’s okay. If I ask for Dreamless Sleep, I’m going to have to tell them what my dreams are. Having Hermione and Ginny hovering over me all the time is bad enough; I don’t need Madame Pomfrey or any of the professors doing it too. Not that it matters because everyone thinks I’m nutters anyway.”
“Of course everyone thinks you’re nutters,” Draco replied calmly. “I mean, you obviously are, after all. And the lack of sleep is starting to make you look like a stark raving lunatic!”
“Malfoy!”
“What? I gave you my word you could come to me for honesty! Do you want me to lie?”
“No, you prat, I want you to help me with this stupid assignment!”
“Okay, okay,” Draco said, slipping into what Harry recognized as his teaching mode. “In order to create even a simple truth serum, which is what we are doing this week in Potions, you have to start with the proper ingredients, including the feathers from an adult Jobberknoll…”
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Draco knew before he woke up Wednesday morning that it was going to be a bad day. Talking to Harry the night before had apparently had a subliminal effect on his subconscious because his sleep was troubled. He woke up fighting a scream once, reliving that night (the night his whole world was flipped upside down) and then woke again later because of a strange dream that he was running through the dungeons with snakes coming out from each side of the corridor. There was a golden light at the end of the corridor but it seemed to get further away the more Draco ran, and as the snakes wrapped themselves around him, he noticed some of his fellow Slytherins in alcoves on both sides, laughing at him. Theodore Nott, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode, Daphne Greengrass, several of the seventh years and a few younger students. He felt anything but rested when he heard Goyle calling for him the next morning.
Draco rolled out of bed with a groan, not looking forward to the day ahead. He was getting ready to leave for breakfast when Blaise entered the room.
“Well, well, Malfoy,” Blaise sneered, “getting awfully chummy with the Gryffindorks, aren’t you?”
“What are you on about now, Zabini?”
“I saw you helping Potter last night in the Great Hall!”
“And? I was earning Slytherin house points, and I was awarded double points from McGonagall for not hexing Potter on sight.” Draco sneered at the other boy. “You should be grateful since I’m making up for the points you lost us by being late for three classes in the last two days!” Before Blaise could reply, Draco headed out of the dorms. Halfway to the Great Hall, he decided he wasn’t hungry and changed course. He thought briefly about heading to the Quidditch pitch, wishing he had brought his broom out with him since it would have been a good morning for a fly before class, but instead found himself walking toward the lake. As he neared the shore, he noticed a lone figure sitting in the grass, tossing rocks into the water. The maroon and gold school robes and disorderly black hair were a dead giveaway as to who it was.
“Shouldn’t you be at breakfast instead of trying to become breakfast yourself by taunting the squid?” he called when he was close enough.
Harry hesitated for a moment before throwing the next rock. “If you were at breakfast, you wouldn’t know I was out here.”
“Yes, but I’m not the one who’s been skipping meals. I don’t think one breakfast is going to make a difference. I haven’t seen you eat in days.”
“This is the first meal I’ve missed since the start of term,” Harry protested feebly.
“You sit in the Great Hall with your friends and play with your food,” Draco pointed out. “You very rarely eat.”
Harry shrugged. “I’m just not hungry. I don’t taste it even if I do eat, and either way I still feel empty so there’s not much point. Anyway, Hermione and Ginny made me eat last night at dinner.”
“Ah, yes, Granger and the Weaselette.” Draco sat down cross-legged on the grass beside Harry. “I saw them trying to force feed you the other night.”
“Why are you so interested in my dining habits, anyway?”
“I’m not; you and your friends just choose to sit right in my line of vision.”
“Hmm.” Harry pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “Neville asked me for permission to date Ginny.”
“Why did Longbottom have to ask you?”
“Ginny had a crush on me a while back. I think she’s been over it for a while, I mean she dated Michael Corner last year and Dean Thomas over the summer, but I don’t know how women think. And apparently Hermione convinced Ginny that I might be offended by her dating one of my friends even though I never had feelings like that for her. I overheard them talking the other day about me being unstable and that sudden changes or surprises are bad for me.”
“That sounds like perfectly flawed Muggle logic.”
“Yeah, it does.” Harry frowned and picked at the hem of his robe. “I just want my friends to be happy. They all want to tiptoe around me like I’m going to break. Hermione even cuts articles out of the Daily Prophet before she lets me read it.”
Draco was tempted to say something about how Harry was lucky they cared for him that way, but didn’t know where that line of thinking had come from. Instead, he asked, “What did you tell him?”
“Just what I just told you; I want them to be happy. If Ginny and Neville make each other happy, that’s great. Maybe he’ll keep her occupied so she has less time to worry over me. But of course, this means Ginny and Hermione have another spy in my dorm room. Ron already tells them every time he suspects I have a nightmare.”
“I thought you said you were casting silencing charms at night?”
“I am. This was before. It was why I started sleeping in the common room. McGonagall threatened me with detention if they find me sleeping on the couch again, though.”
“Have you been sleeping?”
Harry started to get up. “I don’t need this from you too, Malfoy,” he said wearily.
“Sit down, Potter,” Draco ordered with a sigh. “I’m trying to be polite. You should try it sometime.”
Harry shook his head without looking at Draco. “No, I need to go back to the tower for my books. I have to face Snape twice today and I’m not really looking forward to it. I’ll see you at the DA tonight.”
Draco watched him walk back to the castle, wondering how long it had been since Harry had slept. Not that he was concerned, of course. Heaving another sigh, Draco stood and dusted off his robes. It was bad enough he was worried about Karissa; he didn’t need to add that foolish Gryffindor to his list, too.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
As far as Harry was concerned, a frustrated, sulking Draco was not a good thing. For the last twenty minutes, Draco had been standing against the wall in the Room of Requirement, glaring at the other DA members who were making progress with their Patronus charms, or at least giving it a fair shot. He had looked unsettled when Harry tried to describe the method behind casting a successful Patronus, and gave up after several tries despite the fact there were very few DA members who were actually able to perform the charm. Several students were still leery of Draco and his intentions, and his fierce look was causing a noticeable hindrance in their abilities to conjure the requisite happy memory. Despite their history, Harry had grown rather used to a different Draco in the last several weeks and the malevolent stare was not one he had been eager to see again.
Harry sighed and called a halt to the practice. “Okay, I think that’s enough for tonight. We need to start heading back to the dorms if we all want to make curfew.” He used his wand to send up a shimmer of sparks in order to get the attention of Hermione, Terry Boot, and Cho Chang, who were all working with the younger DA members in some form. “Alright, everyone, just a few reminders; when you leave, make sure it’s in a group of three or four, let the group ahead of you have enough time to get down the hallway before you go out, and if you don’t have one of the charmed Galleons, see Hermione before you leave. Dumbledore has made arrangements for a special class in Muggle first aid techniques. It’s going to be held in the Great Hall on Sunday after lunch. This is open to the entire school so it’s not necessarily a DA thing, but I expect to see all of you there.” He looked around at everyone, not sure what to say to dismiss them. “Have a good night.”
Harry watched as the other students split into groups and headed back to their dorms, talking cheerfully amongst each other. He tried not to laugh at the frazzled look on Hermione’s face as she walked away from the first years that she had been working with. Hermione may have been the brightest witch of their age, but she definitely lacked the patience that made a good teacher. On the other hand…Harry’s gaze drifted back to where Draco was still holding up the wall. Draco had a knack for teaching, when he wasn’t acting like a prat. It was a shame he acted like a prat a majority of the time. As the room emptied, Harry made his way across the room to stand next to Draco.
“The Patronus charm is hard,” Harry said in a low voice. “It took me several tries to get it, and most everyone else that was here tonight started working on it last year. You’ll get it.”
“No, I won’t,” Draco said with a slight shake of his head. “I can’t believe I’ve been bested by Longbottom!”
“It takes practice. You have to find the right memory. It has to be something really happy—” Harry broke off, startled by the dark look in Draco’s eyes. “What?”
“Exactly where do you think I’m going to find a happy memory, Potter? Maybe getting my Hogwarts letter? But that was the same day I mastered the Killing Curse. How about making the House Quidditch team? Oh, that’s right, I let my father buy my way onto the team.” Draco shuffled his feet on the floor. “I’m not you, Potter. Every bit of magic I’ve ever learned has been fueled by hatred or anger. Most of it directed at you, by the way. I think this is one spell I won’t be mastering.”
Harry sighed as the door shut behind the last of the DA members. He closed his eyes for a moment and opened them to find two large chairs in the center of the room. “Sit down, Malfoy,” he said wearily, sinking into the cushions of the closest chair. “Dobby!”
The House-elf arrived almost instantly. “Yes, Mister Harry Potter? What can Dobby be doing for you?”
“Dobby, do you think you could bring us a couple butterbeers?”
“Yes, sir, Harry Potter, sir! It would be Dobby’s pleasure!” The House-elf vanished for a moment and reappeared with two butterbeers and a platter of miniature cakes. Harry thanked him as he set the things down on the small table that had appeared between the chairs.
Draco dropped into the opposite chair and grabbed one of the bottles. “The Famous Harry Potter. Even the House-elves are part of your fan club.”
Harry ignored the attempt to get his hackles up. “Maybe I should have waited until next week to do the Patronus charms. Then Remus could have been here and you might have had an easier time learning it from him.”
“It’s not your instruction that’s the problem.”
“Still, it’s hypocritical of me. I—I’m nervous about attempting the charm myself. That’s why I let Cho and Hermione do the demonstration. I don’t know if I can do it after S—after the Ministry incident. I don’t need the dementors around to relive that night.”
“Are you still having nightmares about that night?” Draco’s question sounded honestly curious rather than an attempt at gathering blackmail material.
Harry rolled his eyes. “Only when I sleep.” He selected one of the cakes off the plate. “How’s Quidditch practice going?”
“Oh, right, like I’m going to spill my team secrets to you. Why do you change the subject every time we start talking about you?”
“What do you want me to say, Malfoy? I don’t want to talk about me. It’s not important.”
Draco sat up straight and looked at Harry solemnly. “It is important, Harry. Tell me about your dream.”
Harry shook his head. “I don’t like dreaming it, much less talking about it. Thanks anyway.”
Draco reached out and laid his hand on Harry’ arm. “Tell me what happened at the Department of Mysteries.”
“You already know what happened. It was all over the school the next day.”
“I know most of what happened,” Draco corrected. “Your friends weren’t with you the entire time, and they didn’t necessarily see what you saw. And most of my information came from my father. He was inclined to distort the truth the to fit his needs. And he hated Black. Tell me what happened to Black, what you saw that gives you nightmares.”
Harry hesitated, then pulled his feet up into the large chair, hooking his arms around his knees. “Neville and I were fighting with the Death Eaters. Your father was there, demanding the prophecy, and your aunt Bellatrix cast Crucio on Neville to make me give it up. I probably would have, but next thing I remember Sirius was there, along with Remus, Tonks, Moody, and Shacklebolt. There were curses flying everywhere. Dolohov tried to get the prophecy from me and Sirius stopped him until I hexed him with Petrificus Totalus--Dolohov, not Sirius, of course. Then Sirius told me and Neville to get out and he started dueling with Bellatrix. Lucius tried to stop me and Neville, but Remus was there. Then Dumbledore showed up, and almost everyone in the room stopped. Except for Sirius. Sirius was still fighting with Bellatrix, tossing hexes back and forth, and laughing for Merlin’s sake! He was enjoying it! She hit him with a hex, something red, not a Killing Curse. She didn’t kill him that way, but it knocked him off balance. He f-fell through the veil on the dais. I kept waiting and waiting for him to come out the other side—I mean, it’s just a piece of cloth, right?” Harry drew an unsteady breath as he gave a futile swipe under his eyes with the back of his hand.
“I tried to reach him, tried to reach the veil,” he continued. “But R-remus stopped me. He said that there was nothing I could do, that Sirius was gone. Gods, Draco, he sounded like he was going to cry when he said Sirius was de… He wouldn’t let me go; all I w-wanted was to go after Sirius. I keep seeing him falling through the veil, replaying in slow motion over and over. I ruined his life. S-s-sirius would have done anything for me and I ruined his life. If it wasn’t for that stupid prophecy, Voldemort wouldn’t have killed my parents, and Sirius wouldn’t have had to go after Pettigrew. He wouldn’t have spent those twelve years in Azkaban. If I had mastered Occlumency, maybe Voldemort wouldn’t have known how important Sirius was to me, and he certainly wouldn’t have been able to send me that fake image of Sirius being held by Death Eaters in the Department of Ministries. If I had gone to Snape, or trusted him to understand what my stupid code meant…if I had trusted Sirius.” Harry put his head down and let the tears fall, shoulders shaking silently.
Draco knelt on the floor beside Harry’s chair. Tentatively, he reached out a hand and started rubbing small circles on Harry’s back like he had done with Karissa when she was upset. “You don’t know what might have been, Harry. Sirius wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, and from what I’ve heard he would be quite upset over you hurting like this.” When Harry didn’t answer, Draco said, “There was a Muggle sentiment I heard once that those who love us never truly leave us. I didn’t pay much attention to it at the time since no one loves me like that, except maybe a couple of the house-elves. But your parents, and Sirius, loved you enough to fight for you, to give their lives for you. I don’t think they did it so you can wallow in self-pity and be miserable.”
Harry raised his head, removed his glasses, and wiped his eyes with the corner of his robe before looking at Draco. “If you tell anybody I was crying, I’ll hex you into next week,” he threatened with a slight smile.
Draco grinned. “Come on, we’re out past curfew and I’ve already got enough detentions to last until the end of the month!”
Chapter 18
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Date: 2005-05-18 08:32 pm (UTC)As for Draco's Patronus--well, I guess we'll have to see won't we? :)
I'm not a big Harry/Ginny shipper--I don't know if that's because I can see their relationship as more brother/sister (I have a rule I would never date one of my brothers' friends or my good friends' brothers no matter how hot they are!) since Harry is an honorary Weasley. But I admit I've not read much Harry/Ginny that appealed to me. Any recs? (In Ginny stories, I tend to read Ginny/Draco thought I have read several fics where she is paired w/ Neville.)
Chapters 18 & 19 are at the beta so they should be up in about a week or so.
Hope your days get better!! **sends you warm happy thoughts**
no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 02:09 am (UTC)Ah, I guess I can understand the friend's sibling rule. I never followed that though :) My best friend in high school always wanted to hook me up with her older brother. I actually haven't read any H/G fics, I just like the paring via the books. I perceived that every time Harry found out she was dating someone, he seemed to get a tinge of jealousy, and then it seemed like Ginny made sure that Harry always found out. I dunno, I guess maybe I just want the trio + Ginny to be one big happy - actually related - family. I'm just weird like that. :)
And thanks for the encouragement...things are going slow, but tonight is going a lot better. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but at least tonight I'm feeling better.